I left and life actually did get so much better
Hi all. I just wanted to take a minute to write a quick post hoping that it could maybe inspire other people out there who found themselves in a similar situation.
I (32F) left my abusive husband (34M) three months ago now. I had long suspected our relationship was abusive but some how always managed to excuse his behaviour. He had a rough childhood. He struggles with anger. He struggled with emotional regulation. He’s tired. He’s unwell.
In the span of our 7 year relationship / 1 year marriage, he had called me disgusting names, humiliated me consistently, mentally tormented me, physically removed me from our home, thrown items at me, wrestled me for my phone, dragged me through our home and then finally he hit me. It was always going to come. I read back my Reddit posts from then and I wish I could go back and drag her out of there.
We were lying in bed. He was restless which was making me restless. I turned over, my hand brushing his face and he explodes. He grabs my face and throws it around, slaps me and then kicks me. Because I disturbed his sleep. I knew and that moment I had to go.
The next five months I planned my exit. I viewed properties, I pulled together documents and records, spoke to a solicitor. Felt like I had everything lined up.
I tried leaving four times before I actually did. I left after we had a somewhat civil conversation about separation. We agreed I would move to my mums and he would stay in the flat and we would share access to our dogs.
For the last time, I believed him.
He stopped access to our dogs and instructed his solicitor that me being in their lives is detrimental.
The mental healing from the dog issue has been more substantial than the relationship itself. Now that I’m on the outside I can it for exactly what it was.
If you are out there, asking the same questions I was asking, your relationship is making you feel bad about yourself, you’re managing your partners moods - listen to your gut. The single most important bit of advice I would give from this whole journey is always listen to your instincts.
I knew from about four weeks into dating that he had a cruel streak - that should’ve been enough.
I’m now three months out, and I am still heartbroken over my dogs. I have to terms with the fact I will probably not see them anytime soon, if ever. For everything he was, I know he will love those dogs. Even with that, I do not regret leaving. There hasn’t been a single day where, at the end of it, I have wanted to go back.
Healing is a rollercoaster as cliched as that sounds, but there have definitely been moments when I’ve thought about putting the toothpaste back in the tube. Questioning whether I was valid to uproot my entire life and it would’ve bene easier if I just continued to overlook it. I’ve made a rule with myself to wait 24 hours before acting on any feelings. Which has really helped, as they have usually passed by that point and I’m still firm in my decision.
I have a level of happiness and freedom I had forgot existed. Life is beautiful and should be enjoyed to its fullest and living in that dynamic was not full nor fulfilling.
I’m so excited for the future for the first time in years. I know il will have down days, but I also know this was the best decision I could’ve made.
Send me a message if you need support. 🫶🏻