Am I overreacting that my mom wants to get married a few months before me?
Hi besties! LOONG time listener but trying to keep this anonymous lol
I (28F) am getting married in September 2027. My fiancé and I will have been engaged for two years by then. My mom (57F) just got engaged a few weeks ago, literally the day after my fiancé and I hit our one year countdown to our wedding.
First, I want to make it very clear that I am so happy for my mom. This is her first wedding, just like this will be my first wedding. I want her to have the wedding she’s always wanted, and I’m genuinely excited for her.
Originally, she told me she was thinking about getting married sometime after us, possibly in 2028. Then, about a week later, she called me and said they were thinking June or July 2027. My immediate thought was, Oh… I’m going to be knee-deep in my own wedding planning at that point.
June/July is when I was already thinking about having my bridal shower and bachelorette party. That would potentially mean our family members having to take multiple days off within the same month, travel for two weddings/events, buy multiple outfits/gifts, etc. I also feel like no matter how hard we try, one of us could end up taking some of the spotlight away from the other.
The more I think about it, the more upset I realize I am about the timing. And I feel guilty for even feeling that way.
My mom is also the type of person who sometimes makes comments that unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) bring the spotlight back to herself. I'm worried about things like me going wedding dress shopping and her talking about how she’s trying on dresses too, or my wedding planning conversations somehow turning into conversations about her wedding.
I also want to be there for her. I want to help her, celebrate her, go dress shopping with her, and be excited about everything she’s planning. But realistically, I don’t know if I can be as involved as she might want me to be while I’m also planning my own wedding. There’s also the financial aspect of potentially having two weddings and all of the surrounding events happening so close together.
I feel like I want to be selfish about my wedding. I’ve spent a long time planning this, and I want to be able to enjoy being engaged and getting married without feeling like I’m sharing the spotlight with my mom’s wedding.
At the same time, I feel horrible because I don't want her to think I’m trying to take this experience away from her or that I’m not happy for her.
I want to talk to her about how I’m feeling, but I’m scared she’ll think I’m being mean, selfish, or attacking her.
So… am I overreacting? Is it reasonable to be upset about the timing, or do I need to get over it and just be happy for her?
PLEASE HELP!!