r/creepsandcrimes

Hiiii besties, this is my first ever post so I hope I’m doing it right..♥️ I just needed to get it off my chest and didn’t know where else to put it.

I don’t really know where to start, so sorry if this is word vomit-y. But I just need advice or a listening ear about my husband. Me (F30) and my husband (M 29) have been together for over 4 years, married for about 1. He’s the love of my life, my best friend. I honestly never thought I would meet anyone as I kept getting closer to 30 lol.

We’re both very passionate about politics, world issues, women’s rights, climate change, etc etc. and he is VERY knowledgeable about SO many of these topics, honestly way more than I am. But because of this, and just because of the ✨obvious✨ current state of the world, he’s sad/mad/down all. The. Time. Sometimes I don’t even bother asking what’s wrong anymore if he’s in a mood - because I know it’s just something he read in the news or saw online that upset him.

I love that he’s passionate about these topics. I love that he cares. But I feel like he feels he can’t do anything about it and that makes him feel trapped. So he wants to talk about it to get it off his chest. But then it just upsets him even more. And he could talk about any of these issues forever if you let him. And I’m sorry if this sounds selfish, but sometimes I don’t WANT to talk about the state of the world or even THINK about it - I just want to enjoy my bubble for an afternoon in my neighborhood that I love, in my house that I love, with my pets that I love and just BE. That honestly makes me feel guilty and kind of horrible, and when I’ve expressed that to him before, he didn’t react well - just became kind of upset and hurt that I wouldn’t want to talk to him. It also doesn’t help that we’re at that age right now where he’s kind of starting to separate himself from childhood friends that have opposite views, and the friends he COULD be talking to about these issues are more mutual friends of ours that don’t live close like his childhood friends do, so he can’t really unload his thoughts on anyone but me unless he feels like arguing about politics with his conservative group of “friends”. So he doesn’t consider himself to have a lot of friends, even though he would LOVE to have a big group of like minded friends.

And it’s not that I don’t care - I do. I’m a teacher. I tell him that I feel that’s where I put in my own personal work to give back to our community in a way that works for me, because obviously one person can’t change the world, but maybe I can change that kids’ world for a little bit. But I think small scale stuff feels useless to him when there’s so much fucked up shit going on in the world. And don’t get me wrong, there is. And it’s awful. And there’s things we can definitely do. But we can’t do everything, ya know?

If you’ve made it this far, thank you besties - I don’t know if I need advice for myself, or for him, or just some validation that we both have valid concerns and are doing our best in this messed up world💔 I want to support my husband and I want to care about the state of the world and everyone in it, and I want to have intellectual conversations about global affairs and politics, but that burden shouldn’t be on any one persons shoulders at all hours of the day, and I don’t think it should be your sole focus, and I’m running out of advice to give when his worries are worrying me also😩

Hi besties! LOONG time listener but trying to keep this anonymous lol

I (28F) am getting married in September 2027. My fiancé and I will have been engaged for two years by then. My mom (57F) just got engaged a few weeks ago, literally the day after my fiancé and I hit our one year countdown to our wedding.

First, I want to make it very clear that I am so happy for my mom. This is her first wedding, just like this will be my first wedding. I want her to have the wedding she’s always wanted, and I’m genuinely excited for her.

Originally, she told me she was thinking about getting married sometime after us, possibly in 2028. Then, about a week later, she called me and said they were thinking June or July 2027. My immediate thought was, Oh… I’m going to be knee-deep in my own wedding planning at that point.

June/July is when I was already thinking about having my bridal shower and bachelorette party. That would potentially mean our family members having to take multiple days off within the same month, travel for two weddings/events, buy multiple outfits/gifts, etc. I also feel like no matter how hard we try, one of us could end up taking some of the spotlight away from the other.

The more I think about it, the more upset I realize I am about the timing. And I feel guilty for even feeling that way.

My mom is also the type of person who sometimes makes comments that unintentionally (or maybe intentionally) bring the spotlight back to herself. I'm worried about things like me going wedding dress shopping and her talking about how she’s trying on dresses too, or my wedding planning conversations somehow turning into conversations about her wedding.

I also want to be there for her. I want to help her, celebrate her, go dress shopping with her, and be excited about everything she’s planning. But realistically, I don’t know if I can be as involved as she might want me to be while I’m also planning my own wedding. There’s also the financial aspect of potentially having two weddings and all of the surrounding events happening so close together.

I feel like I want to be selfish about my wedding. I’ve spent a long time planning this, and I want to be able to enjoy being engaged and getting married without feeling like I’m sharing the spotlight with my mom’s wedding.

At the same time, I feel horrible because I don't want her to think I’m trying to take this experience away from her or that I’m not happy for her.

I want to talk to her about how I’m feeling, but I’m scared she’ll think I’m being mean, selfish, or attacking her.

So… am I overreacting? Is it reasonable to be upset about the timing, or do I need to get over it and just be happy for her?

PLEASE HELP!!