How long between partners?
30sF and 40sM dating for 18 months. To the extent that labels are helpful, we’re currently more “solo-poly” rather than “partnered ENM dating solo” but we are exceptionally close.
We’re each other’s only long term partners, and both have other FWBs (though until recently I had another partner). We live apart.
We recently spent a concentrated 3 weeks together on holiday and became even closer. The day after we got back, he had a casual FWB visit for 4 days. I was feeling wobbly about it, given the contrast between our beautiful time together and then being apart, and we had a good conversation about that.
We had a date night scheduled months before FWB came along (dinner, show, stayover). But he’s planned it so that FWB leaves only the morning of our date night.
I feel weird but having trouble articulating why.
I feel that seeing him when his FWB only left that morning is gross and makes me feel weird. I don’t like the idea of sleeping in the same bed as where he’s been fucking someone else only hours before. He thinks that so long as he resets his apartment properly it should be fine. He’s looking forward to seeing me.
Does anyone have a rule about managing transition between partners? Minimum decompression time?
Some stream of consciousness: It seems disrespectful somehow. It didn’t feel good to go from being completely together for several weeks to removing all evidence I exist from his apartment, minimize myself to facilitate his time with this FWB. It makes me feel disposable (even though I know I’m not). They’d be too fresh in his mind and body for me to feel comfortable with that, I can’t believe that more decompression time isn’t necessary after several days with a FWB. I feel like it’s inevitable he wouldn’t fully be with me and a comparison between us is too easy to make.