A Question about Deep Spirituality and Gay Intimacy
Hey all! This is my first post here. I was born and raised in a conservative Christian family, I became a Christian myself at the age of 21 or 22. We always went to Hellfire-and-Brimstone type churches where most of the followers have been scared into their faith, rather than being allowed to explore and decide for themselves.
I came out as a gay man when I was 14 years old and was unfortunately not accepted by those churches, and the road to acceptance for my family has been long, arduous, and ongoing.
I have recently decided to come back to Christianity from a curious, (what I feel is genuine,) and inward looking point of view and I have been reading my Bible, praying, and attending a progressive church very often.
I want to have a deep spirituality and a deep connection with God. And I believe I do have a deep connection with God. I want to be like Jesus and like my actions show a Christlike life more than just my words. I want to love everyone with the love that Jesus had for us. I believe that loving our neighbors, and showing humility, are far more important than worrying about the afterlife. I believe that helping the poor, and the marginalized, and treating everyone like your best friend are the core teachings of Jesus. I believe that we should fight against oppression for the people who are not as fortunate or who are ostracized by the government. And I believe that Jesus is the word of God made into flesh so that he could take away our sins.
Now I also have a loving and committed relationship with my boyfriend of over a year. We talk every night, and see each other as often as possible. We have a lot of trust and no secrets from one another. We also share a kink. (I won't go into explicit details, but it is something that harms no one, and we keep it private, we don't broadcast what we do in the bedroom.) That kink is a feature of our relationship but not the whole of our relationship, and we share a connection that is based on friendship, trust, and love.
As I've been exploring my faith I find myself worried that somehow this kink could prevent me from having a truly deep form of spirituality and I want to know if anyone has any thoughts on that. Do you think it's possible to have kinks in a loving relationship and still experience a deep connection with God? Any and all insights are appreciated and thank you for reading!