u/ElixWetflix

It wasn’t until the last few years, after going through multiple really bad life-altering situations, that I developed BPD and eventually received a formal diagnosis. But ever since then, it feels literally impossible to maintain friendships, and the worst part is that I genuinely don’t know what I’m doing wrong.

Since being diagnosed, I’ve become hyperaware of my mood swings, triggers, and behavior, especially in social situations. I constantly monitor myself to make sure I’m not taking things out on the people around me, and for the most part I really do try my best to keep myself in check. But somehow, it still feels like I’m failing no matter how careful I am, and people continue to distance themselves from me if not ghost me entirely.

And now, at 24, I barely have any friendships left.

I can’t help but notice how often the people in my life are now suddenly keeping me at a distance emotionally, like they’re hesitant to fully let me in. And I can’t tell if it’s something I’m unintentionally projecting, or if I’m completely unaware of how I come across to other people, like they can just sense how unstable I am and it’s scaring them off.

All my friendships just feel so surface level now, and it doesn’t help that one of my triggers is feeling ignored, so small things like someone not answering a text in a timely manner will literally ruin my day. But I try not to let it show, so the people in my life won’t get annoyed with me. At the end of the day, I understand my mental issues are no one’s problem but my own.

But honestly, it’s exhausting living in this state where I’m always trying to make myself “safe enough” for people to stay in my life, especially when I already feel unbearably lonely, and it’s like they can just smell the stench desperation off me and I hate it.

I guess I just don’t know what to do anymore. How do I maintain healthy friendships? Am I just being paranoid?

I keep seeing posts where people say they aren’t sure how to feel about Plutarch, or whether we’re supposed to root for him or see him as one of the “good guys” because he’s incredibly morally gray. But I don’t really think it’s that complicated.

The way I see it, Plutarch Heavensbee is a bad person, even if he’s on the right side of the revolution.

And my main issue with him is his core mindset that he maintains throughout the series. Plutarch views the world through a lens of “winners and losers,” and he’s proven that he’s completely willing to manipulate people or take away their autonomy if it helps him get the outcome he wants. That doesn’t suddenly become okay just because his goals happen to align with overthrowing the Capitol. Being on the same side as the “good guys” doesn’t make someone good if their methods involve hurting the people around them.

Coin is the clearest example of this, because Plutarch operates in a very similar moral space as her. The only difference Coin and Plutarch is that he does things in a much more subtle way, so he’s able to go unnoticed and walk away unscathed if things don’t land in his favor. And, to me, that makes him just as awful, because there’s never any consequences for his actions.