I need some advice
I (18F) live at home with my 3 brothers (20,16,14), my mom(42F) and my dad (52M).
I don’t really know how to start this, but i’ll do my best.
My mom is annoyed/irritated a lot. Especially when she’s tired, which is every evening or has headaches. When this happens she pushes her emotions onto everyone in the house with her(me and my brother(20M) most often) she does this for example by blaming us for things we didn’t do like her dropping something. She also keeps talking about everything that annoys her. Often when she’s annoyed at me she goes to my little brother(14M) and starts hugging him to ‘calm down’ talking about how he is her ‘baby’.
She’s also angered really quickly by for example asking her to braid my hair. She’ll start mumbling about all the stuff she has to do and that she doesn’t have time for this. If it gets really bad and we start arguing she can sometimes say things like she’d wish to stab someone with the comb. She wouldn’t ofcourse, but it’s still not great for someone to say that when they’re doing your hair.
Besides that she’s controlling about our looks in a weird way. When I buzzed my hair last summer she cried for an hour about me looking like ‘a boy’ which in turn made me cry and self conscious about the haircut. Whenever I wear something she doesn’t like, she comments about or just sighs in a way I know means she doesn’t like it. And when I ask her if she could stop doing this she tells me ‘I already hold a lot of comments in, you know’.
In the past(5 years ago) i’ve had a talk with my mom and teacher about our relationship. I pointed out we never did anything fun and mostly just argued. She promised we would do more things together and that’s how the conversation ended. We never did and when we do, we almost always end up arguing. She sometimes still uses this conversation as a throwback in arguments when i point something out, she’ll say something like ‘ooh, are you going to call the childrens phone now?’(which is a help line for abused kids and other things).
Now onto my dad. I don’t really talk to him much. When i was younger my mom stayed at home with us and he worked a lot so we could get by. My mom now has a job and my dad works somewhere else, because of this my dad is home more often. I’ve recently noticed that we never really talk if i don’t initiate the conversation. I can’t remember the last time he asked me how my day was. And while i could keep starting conversations with him it’s annoying to have to start them everytime and to have to wait half a minute for him to be focused on me instead of whatever serie he’s watching at the moment. When he does talk it’s either to other people or when he’s angry. He ones punched my door when i made him mad and it left a dent.
A few days ago my mom texted me while i was home asking if my brother was at school. I answered that I didn’t know, but that he wasn’t home. Later on that morning my brother came home during lunch so i told him mom asked if he was at school and showed him the message. Later when my mom got home from work she went up to my brothers room, i couldn’t hear anything besides loud voices and my mom later going downstairs. When it was time for dinner i went downstairs to eat and my mom started getting angry with me saying it was my fault they were arguing and how I should mind my own business. This went on for a bit until i went upstairs to cry.
A few days later i asked my dad if mom was still mad seeing as we(my mom and I) hadn’t talked for two days. He answered that he didn’t know. When i started to explain what happened he cut me off saying he was done with our arguing and that i should figure it out on my own.
The sad thing is i know my parents can be good. When i get really bad mentally(which i was for a while in the past) i could come to them and they do, do things like drive me somewhere or get me vegetarian food sometimes.
TLDR(summery): my mom gets annoyed and aggressive a lot and pushes it on me and my siblings while my dad watches a series.
So i’m asking for advice, what would you do in this situation? Would you try to solve the relationships? And how?