Mom keeps saying “my house, my rules” after I mentioned transitioning, amongst other issues
Long post, sorry :/
So I’ve wanted hrt since I was fourteen. My mom has known I’m not cis since I was twelve. It’s been so many years, and seeing how she’s queer herself, one would think she would understand. But…I keep feeling like she doesn’t.
She still calls me “she“, still calls me daughter, and I have asked her so many times to not do that. At first she sort of got it, she called me he, avoided using gendered language around my grandparents (who don’t know), and even called me son. But at some point, she stopped using the right pronouns at all, as opposed to at least sometimes. And when I asked her if she could *please* stop calling me “she”, she asked me what makes me feel like I’m a man (i feel like i should mention somewhere that we’re both on the spectrum). I struggled to answer, my arguments basically being “because it feels right, makes me happy” but we both knew it wasn’t really and answer. Something worth mentioning is that she used to *really* want to be a guy for years. But now she says she’s “finally really happy being a woman”. Needless to say, she’s kinda the least cis cis person I’ve ever met.
Two nights ago she invited me to go with her to a yearly retreat geared towards women. I just said that “no, that’s for women, And I am not a woman”. She said it’s actually for “people with uteruses”. And I don’t know what got into me, but I admitted I wouldn’t have one forever. I told her I wanted a hysterectomy when I’m older, that I was uncomfortable having a uterus because it’s basically useless to me (something she seemed surprised at, especially since to her it’s something very important for her identity). And I said I wanted Testosterone (I basically said I wanted to look like a man, said the effects from T, and when she said it’s not possible I said “yes it is, testosterone is an option”). I didn’t plan on telling her these things for a few years. I said “I’ll be an adult, it my money, and it’s my choice what I do with my body“
But now she says “Until you’re paying your own bills, you’re not a real adult. Until then it’s my house my rules.“ and I just *know* that has to do with what I told her before. She’s really chill with a lot of stuff, but with things like this, tattoos (no tattoos until I’m 25, apparently??) etc she gets really strict out of no where.
I’m frustrated that my future could be affected just because she doesn’t want me to. And I really, really thought she of all people would understand. I could go on and on, but this is long enough. Any help is appreciated.
TL;DR mom still misgenders me a lot despite me being out to her for years and asking her not to, and after I blurted out that I want hrt she started saying “my house my rules, you’re not an adult until you’re paying your own bills” basically saying-without-saying that it might as well be her choice if i medically transition or not. Need advice/input/perspective