Ever since I was a child, gaming was my way of finding something fun in life, and I was obsessed with it, it is a sad thing but the world has, at most times, been dull, slow, depressing, and too much, I didn't want to live in it so I spent many years dealing with crippling anxiety, depression and derealization.
I have broken free of these cycles recently, things are looking up, at least i look up to some sort of future, I am actively building one, which is more than I ever expected, and it makes me wonder, because after so long I can feel something from gaming again, it feels good, exhilarating, it feels... Too much, it muddles my mind for the whole day, like it did when I was a child, like it did when I was obsessed with it, my body moves in it's direction and my mind makes plans to accommodate it to the limit, even without my input, but it doesn't make sense anymore, I am no longer running from anything, nor do I need a hobby that drains my attention obsessively while giving back so little (in my case).
The obvious answer would be to stop, to limit severely (which i do already), but the idea hurts so much, it's a part of who I am, years and years and hundreds of games and experiences, beautiful experiences, even if the context behind was not that great.
I don't know, I am sure this is not an uncommon experience, I just wonder if, in the case that I stop, would I be able to come back in time? To feel these things again without risking losing control of my life, of the emotional needs I require to function, because I am honest when I say I love games, as much as I am when I say they're too much for me, they can stimulate me far too much.