Limerance vs. Moving too slow - Anyone else?
I recently turned 30 (M), and limerence toward women has been an issue for me for a long time. It’s mostly happened with female friends I’ve felt strong emotional connections to. In most cases, I never actually expressed my feelings or tried to date them.
At the same time, I’ve been on and off dating apps for the last 7 years, and I almost have the opposite problem there: I struggle to feel emotionally open or expressive with women I’ve only been on 3–4 dates with (though, only got that far once). I often feel like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling or expressing that early.
So I feel stuck between two extremes:
- getting overly attached when there’s already a strong emotional bond
- not moving things forward enough in the first few dates
I’m wondering if these are issues I should actively work on before dating again, or if I’m just completely overthinking things.
Maybe I also just don’t know how to develop emotional connection in those first few dates.
Has anyone else dealt with this?