I am married and co-parenting with my spouse and pretty much ever since she became pregnant about 3 years ago there's been almost zero physical intimacy in our relationship. Also, due to pregnancy and having a newborn and now a toddler, its nearly impossible to find time to date other people let alone even get out with friends. I started doing the online dating apps a few months ago but given my very limited range of things I'm looking for (someone who wants a low time investment, physical relationship/FWB with a queer, poly, married parent who works FT) it feels like looking for a needle in a haystack, and when I find it, which I thought happened a couple times, it fizzles out and nothing happens.
I do want my spouse. The lack of sex and physical intimacy is not at all because I've lost attraction. On the contrary, I am very attracted to her and have often tried to initiate, flirt, and just straight up say what I want but her libido is low, and we don't have a sitter or family nearby so, or child is always nearby and there's no privacy for us.
I am touch deprived and sexually frustrated and its making me a cranky person. I feel myself becoming grumpy and pessimistic, as well as low in confidence, which I know won't help me in the dating world or with my spouse as I am supposed to be fun and flirty and I guess, not seem like I even want the things that I'm literally out here saying I want?? When I'm rejected for the one trillionth time by my wife I'm supposed to be gracious and not let it effect my self esteem at all. How is that even possible? I get a lot of positive affirmations from people online about my looks which I guess acts as the smallest buffer for my confidence but it doesn't actually help me at all to get more real life physical connection from people I'm actually wanting it with.