Hey everyone!
Full disclosure that I may not have OCD and that I'm currently in the process of figuring out if I do with my therapist, but I assume some OCD coping strategies may help me regardless.
To keep it brief as possible, I have an all-consuming fixation on a long-distance friend/coworker whom I've been growing closer to for the past couple months. It started as a platonic crush (definitely fueled by some OCD-like symptoms, though it could also be my autism) that's morphed into something slightly different now that I've told them about my feelings and the general mental issues I'm having surrounding them.
It feels like this person is constantly living in my head. As soon as I wake up to the second I go to sleep at night, my thoughts always attach themselves to this person and will not. let. go. It feels like my brain needs to be powerwashed. It's exhausting and disheartening to feel my thoughts circle back on them every single moment of the day. I feel the despair in the morning when it happens (and then I continue on with my day, because what else can you do?).
I know the smartest/easiest thing to do would be to cut them off/stop talking to them entirely, and I know that would work, but 1) we work together, and 2) I'm very determined to continue the friendship. It's amazing hanging out with them and it feels like the first time in a long time I've found a genuine friend. I don't want to throw that away just because I'm mentally ill.
They're aware that I am having OCD-like issues surrounding them, but I'm not sure they're aware of how all-consuming it is for me. They're being very patient and considerate towards me -- ex, not messaging when I say I need a break from them -- but there's only so much they can do for me and I need to start figuring this out myself.
I'd be very curious to hear coping strategies/advice from anyone who has gone through something similar. Obviously I'm talking about this with my therapist too, but more perspectives could be super nice to hear (and acknowledge that I'm not alone!).
Thanks!