weird urge to cheat
Im (24F), my bf (27M) have been in a relationship for a while now, everything is good ofc just like any other couple weve had our ups and downs.
Our relationship is genuinely the healthiest thing ive been in, were getting engaged, were happy, basically everything is good.
Ive had a history of really really bad relationships, i got cheated on by the person i thought was the love of my life at some point, I was used, and so many other things
Im constantly over thinking, what if this what if that, and its driving me crazy and ofc its tiring for my partner as well, at some points i get this weird urge like maybe if i cheated first it would hurt less if he did? i genuinely dont know how to explain it, but in a way it feels less hurtful? but that also makes me a horrible human being, but im at this weird stage where idk what im supposed to do with what im feeling