Very scared to post this, I’m pretty young, only 13, and I don’t pray consistently, or am that good of a Muslim in general. I’ve been going through a lot recently, struggling with suicidal thoughts for a year and a half now, and I hurt myself often. I’ve told my mother and will likely get professional help soon.
This thought struck me quite a long time ago. I think a little before or after my first attempt? So around November, likely much before that.
I seriously don’t fear hell. While Heaven would be great and all, I wouldn’t really care if I went to Hell instead, and expect it too.
I wish I didn’t believe, but I firmly believe that Islam is real, I’ve looked into it, and no other religion is as specific or makes as much sense, and atheism is just weird to me tbh.
Don’t know what I expect by posting this here. I think I do want to strive to be a good Muslim, but at the same time I don’t want to do anything to take myself there. I hope I make sense.
(Also, I think it may be worth mentioning that I’m Shia)