First off yes I am I just had to put it in the title to post. I'm a 22M and my longtime girlfriend of 4 years 21F just broke up with me because of a on-going issue. Back in August of 2025 I wasn't able to get signed up for college classes on time because I slacked and put them in the back of my mind. Instead of telling the truth, I lied to everyone including my own family that I was in school and the lie continued until November of 2025 when after my girlfriend's many questions I finally admitted to lying. This caused a great divide between us and we went on a break so I could figure my shit out. I got signed back up for classes and am currently working to get my engineering degree.
After lying me and my girlfriend were obviously more distant and she couldn't trust me. She told me on multiple occasions that I would have to earn her trust back and I tried to do that. We would get in small arguments about it and I had started to cuss and get aggressive with her during these arguments. No, I never laid my hands on her and I truly loved her so much I just think I was in a mental war with myself and with her constant questions it made me take it out on her.
We broke up last Monday and I'm sick to my stomach about it. I know its my fault that were here because she told me multiple times to stop talking to her in that way and the wedge had already been driven between us because of me lying about school. (I never lied about anything else it was just that, never cheated never had the idea to cheat). I truly love this girl with all my heart and I hate myself for killing the man she thought I was. I wish I could smack me a year ago and tell me to get my shit figured out but now I'm left in a sunken pit of despair thats my own fault.
I've been going to the gym and trying to keep myself as busy as possible but, last night I cried my eyes out because I feel so pointless. I want her, I've always wanted her. She was my soulmate and I hope that I can fix myself and find her again one day. I just need help I'm sorry. What do I do?