Very lost, looking for advice
I am a 42(M) married to a 38(F) she is bisexual, i am Pansexual. i knew i was gay from a young age but never felt it was safe enough to be myself. My wife knows that i am pansexual she apparently always knew i was gay. we have no children due to medical issues. She has no family that she is willing to have any contact with due to abuse. we are close with my parents, but they do not know, i suspect my sister knows but i have never outright told her. my wife and i have been married for 15 years. while i am sometimes still attracted to women, i am mostly attracted to trans women/men and men. my wife and i have almost no sex anymore due to weight issues and Endometriosis. Earlier this year we had sex for the first time in 4 years and i didn't even finish due to issues that i have being hard to ejaculate without the proper friction. (can't get an answer on why) i have never fully been with a man (or person with a penis) ( i.e., only oral when i was younger and thought i could get away with it(turns out i couldn't). My wife and i do not have many friends due, to my parents advanced age we are stuck living in close proximity to them. this means Texas (deep in MAGA country with all the hate). im not sure what to do. my wife doesn't believe in open relationships, i don't want to end up at the end of my life with so many regrets, as it is i have too many currently. both my wife and i have brain injuries, while hers still allows her to hold down a job, mine does not. My brain injury is from the military, and some before that i have trouble remembering. i feel that im stuck between a rock and a hard place. i can't leave my wife she will be unable to live her live without me, (due to her health issues) but i cant be true to myself. i know she isn't happy living where we do because she can't spend much time outside (health issues). nor can she live on her own (again to health issues). Hell, i have trouble just managing our house (I'm not just trying and failing). i am at a loss, my weed addiction is spiraling out of control. bad thoughts are in my head daily, as they have been for several years, i feel like my losing my battle with them and my depression. i dont know what to do.