u/Embarrassed-Risk-836

My partner and I have been together for three years (m39) (f49) and some change, he is very touchy about looking at his phone or asking who he’s texting. Says it’s crossing the line of privacy. When we first started dating, I found out he was seeing a lot of other women at the same time.Because one night his phone was going crazy, he was sound asleep nd heard none of it. I picked it up to turn it to silent and low and behold it was some chick sending him texts and calling over and over wondering where he was and she need him to come “sleep” with her. I laid awake all night. In the morning I said to him your phone was very loud last night. You might want to check in with so-and-so. She was really upset. You didn’t come over to pleasure her. Is it what are you talking about? This is a friend it was a joke. Why were you licking my phone? I said I don’t like things like that. It’s crossing the line. I was like OK so what’s the deal? I think it’s not what it looks like. Just under a year he moves in with me lost his job and I know income. But he’s highly educated with 2° and within a very dark depressed state. I understood that with having those issues myself a different points in life so I said take your time let’s figure this out. While during that time of figuring it out, he cheated on me with four different women. I didn’t find out about it till almost 7 months later. Because I got a random text with screenshots of things from his phone he couldn’t deny it dead rights. He would disappear for a day or two sometimes four days with no contact and I said I can’t live like this that’s not fair. Sometimes he just needs to go and have nobody bother him is what he told me. I was like well if you need space you need to say that, but your space cannot involved bedding other women. When I confronted him with everything, he tried to deny it the messages things that I saw I can see. The times you threw it in my face about so-and-so being better at XYNZ and that I’m disgusting and blah blah blah call me all kinds of names and then says he doesn’t remember saying any of that to me well I have text messages proving that you did. No I don’t need to read that. No that wasn’t me. Well it was. It’s the phone I paid for I can see your call log I know you’ve been talking to when you said you’re here, but you’re really there so what’s going on. I got a big long crying was so depressed. I was this that the other thing is what I heard. I didn’t mean to I love you blah blah blah lip service. I said I need action you show me you tell me do you wanna be honest or do you want to continue being a lying scumbag.? We navigated through this weird phase. I haven’t the point of asking him do you need to get some kind of release to these conversations? I’ve seen you have these other people because if that’s the case, maybe we need to talk about that. Trying to keep an open mind. Well he’s had some kind of stalker whatever I don’t know somehow I think they actually was somebody sleeping with got a hold of his phone and took all the pictures and then sent them to all the women so they would all know it was pretty bad. Now just over three years living together two of those years I paid all the bills he convinced me to leave my job he would take care of everything. I trusted it we had worked through all these other problems and whenever I say I need such in such tall amount for this for that I just gave you $100 I said yeah that was for this bill or groceries or whatever there’s receipts cause I keep them all and he just makes it a big deal. I never get that with him when it was rolls reversed and he still hides his phone he says it’s disrespectful to look at it or ask anything. I’m over it. I’m done. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to untangle at all. I’ve even gone as far as I am staying at her friends on their couch and we’re trying to work through things, but I don’t see any effort on his part. When we do spend time together, they’ll leave and say he’s going to go grab this at the store or he’ll be right back four hours later he’s still not back. He says I ran into an old friend and we started talking. I said you couldn’t say excuse me I need to text my girlfriend and let her know I’m running late because I ran into you. He’s like well. I didn’t wanna cut them off talking. I said that’s great your psychology major you have a degree. You’re intelligent you know how to speak to people to say just one moment I wanna continue this conversation let’s catch up but let me just let my partner know that I’m gonna be running late or girl starts talking to him. He talks back and doesn’t act like he’s in a relationship. I said if you Can’t say that woman I’m sorry but I have a girlfriend. Thank you but no thank you I don’t wanna be rude. Well now I’m gonna be rude. Get out.