So my (22F) boyfriend (27M) have been together for almost a year now and I’d say we have a pretty nice relationship. We have great communication and listen when the other has a concern…until today. I was getting ready for the day along with him as we both wake up at the same time. Since I’m not working right now, I didn’t see a point in getting fully dressed as I don’t know if I’ll be doing anything important (I didn’t). I am a bit chunky so I don’t like tops that are very form fitting. Add on the fact that I’m bloated from my menstrual cycle, and it’s recipe for not wanting to wear “normal” clothes. I opted for an oversized sweater and some sweats (the sweater is XXL and I wear XL). I didn’t put on a shirt because the layered clothes would make me feel constricted when I’m already feeling big. He noticed that I was putting on my sweater with only my bra underneath and commented,”you’ll be going out like that?”. I told him it was no different than wearing an oversized shirt and dismissed it. I ended up putting on a shirt to end what could have been an argument, and wasn’t surprised to find out that I did indeed feel constricted. Fast forward to about 6pm. He comes back after work and we are having a conversation about something else (separate disagreement). We resolve that when he brings up the sweater situation. He explained that me wanting to go out like that is disrespectful to him and I laughed because I thought it was a bit dramatic. He didn’t take my reaction well and tried comparing it to him going out in shorts without boxers. He asked how I would feel about that and I told him that would be his problem. I wouldn’t be bothered because that’s how he would choose to dress and that he shouldn’t tell me how to. Especially when I didn’t even go in a skimpy outfit. I then pointed out how I still had a bra on underneath and it’s not like I would have wore the sweater without it. It’s no different from a shirt, just with a pocket and a hoodie. Now he is upset and is saying passive aggressive things such as,”sorry I care about you so much”. He is now giving me the silent treatment and doomscrolling. Now it has me wondering if I should have been more considerate to his feelings. I do have autism and I struggle to see things from another person’s perspective so that’s why I came here.
So AITAH for laughing about my boyfriend bringing up his concern about me wanting to wear a sweater without a shirt?
(Sorry for formatting. I’m on mobile.)
Update:
I showed him the thread. I wanted him to see that his behavior was not okay and that I would not be tolerating this at all. After all, he lives with me and MY parents (rent is expensive). I told him that I will not waste my time on someone who is controlling and manipulative. If he wants this to work, I want some changes. I laid out some very clear boundaries: he has no say in what I wear, if he has a concern then we talk without passive aggressive behavior, AND ABSOLUTELY NO SILENT TREATMENT. This is a very one off thing and I want to nip this in the bud asap, so I asked him where this whole thing stemmed from. He is insecure. Go figure. He is worried that I would cheat and that would be a valid concern if I gave him a reason to think that. I haven’t. I told him that trust works both ways. If he is going to constantly worry about the worst case scenario then I told him to see himself out. If he wants this to work, HE needs to make some changes. I won’t tolerate this behavior. He is normally a very great partner, but I can’t ignore that this is a very big red flag. He is on his only warning. There will not be another. Thank you to everyone who responded. I needed that reality check.