Dinner: Hot sausage link with pasta salad and grilled vegetables
(TW: Miscarriage)
4 days ago I found out I was having a missed miscarriage and it has been the most traumatizing, devastating thing I have ever been through. An hour before I found out my baby's heart was no longer beating, my boyfriend and I received our NIPT results which included gender. I was so excited going into my appointment because afterward my sister and best friend were going to Build-a-Bear to dress up a stuffed animal for our gender reveal. I feel so stupid and blindsided because I had no idea anything was wrong with my baby, and I never thought I'd be apart of the 10-20% of women who experience miscarriages (naive, I know.)
I'm 22 years old and still in school, so finding out I was pregnant was very unexpected. Though this was shocking, the moment I found out I felt like everything in my life made sense. I never felt more of a purpose in life than when I knew I was going to be a mother. My parents were so excited to have a baby in the house, my best friends were thrilled to become aunts and uncles and my boyfriend was looking forward to being a dad so much. It just feels like nothing in my life matters anymore and like my world is ending. I have a D&C scheduled for tomorrow (Monday) and I can't stop thinking about the fact that today is the last day my baby girl will be inside of me.
The timing couldn't be worse as I have finals this week and don't want to do anything else but lay in bed and sleep. My family and boyfriend have been extremely supportive and comforting, but it feels like nothing will ever heal me.
Thank you for reading. <3