u/Embarrassed-Sir-3758

I'm 35 male & married. I've been estranged from my Dad for a few years due to all classic narcissistic traits (constant criticism, ridicule, DARVO tactics, extreme anger outburts etc. you name it). I went no contact with my mom back when I texted her directly and honest "my wife and I don't feel safe around dad" to which she replied by threatening to send a Priest to my house. This was back in August.

Fast forward to present day, i've moved to a city I love and didn't tell my parents my new address. They are apparently moving and have bins of my childhood things and diplomas that were unfortunately left at their house. They reached out to my mother-in-law [classic triangulation] who kind of understands the estrangement and my pov but isn't as familiar with Narcissistic people and how they operate.

They spoke on the phone and my mother in law offered a solution to pick up the bins herself and my mom deflected and insisted that I be the one who comes to get the bins (because its not about the bins its about regaining access). My mom threatened to throw out my childhood things if I didn't come grab them. After she firmly said that wasn't going to happen they moved (luckily she didn't say where or give our address) my mom said well we need to hear our son (me) give permission.

Today at 8:40am I broke no contact and texted to my mom, dad, wife and mother-in-law in a group thread:

Me: "Hi Mom & Dad. I received your voicemails & emails. (mother in law's name) and her husband have my permission to pick up my belongings and hold onto them for me. Please coordinate directly with her regarding pickup arrangements. Thank you."

My Mother-in-law comes over the top with: "We are available all weekend if that helps with your packing. Just let. me know as I know you are trying to meet a timeline."

Its now almost 1pm and radio silence from my mom and dad ... what happened to the urgency of needing to move in 3 weeks?

Normally after years of going through stuff like this... what typically happens next usually i'll get a 4-page essay text from my Dad riddled with guilt trips, shame, emotional manipulation, mortality shrouded in 'being a good father' but in reality he's criticizing me.

- I'm feeling stupid because I caved to try and get my things back (college and high school diplomas and other sentimental items)

- I feel like I gave them 'back the power' since they know they have leverage on me now.

- I also feel weird because they've sent tons of guilt trip/shame emails/voicemails and I finally reach out and break my silence with them only to be met with silence.

Lastly, I promise I'm not cruel - they have not once asked a single question as to why I'm mad at them or how can we resolve this? They haven't once genuiely apologized for calling a priest on me or for any of the other extremely hurtful things they've done. -- only been met with shame/guilt/coercion tactics during my estrangement even them threatening to call my work because 'i've left them no choice.'

Any advice or help from those who may have gone through something similar? What does their silence mean? Are they just gearing up for an attack? I hate how they got my mother-in-law in the middle of this now but she's on my side and is a tough woman who doesn't put up with any bulls*it

I'll try to keep this short I'm a 35-year-old married man

• Been no contact with my parents since July 2024 but I'm still able to receive blocked VMs and emails (even thought I haven't responded)
• Last time I interacted with my mother I said "To be honest and direct, my wife and I don't feel safe around Dad." -- she she responds by saying "you have a visitor from your church that is coming to see you. A Fr. XYZ" to which I replied: "Its not appropriate to send someone to my home without asking me. Please stop trying to manage this situation in ways that avoid real accountability and honest conversation. There's still been no reflection from you both and I'm no longer willing to carry the emotional weight of this family while being met with denial and manipulation. We're done pretending." The TL;DR here is my father has been an abusive manipulative SOB. There's a lot more to the story than this simple text exchange but wanted to share the last correspondence.
• Fast forward to this year on Mother's Day I received and email from my mom with just the subject line "Mother's Day" which is supposed to guilt/trip and shame me for not acknowledging her... like did she forget that she threatened to call a Priest to my house like I needed an exorcism or something? lol
• Then literally two days later I get another email with the subject line "Dad" saying " Your Dad's Birthday is May 17th! He would love to see you! We miss you. we are home, would love to have you come by the house to say hi! miss you! love mom"
  • I've also moved states which they have no idea about so I can't just 'come over.'

--- Its been over 2 years and I haven't responded to a single thing and they haven't asked me a single question as to 'why' I stopped talking to them or even acknowledge the estrangement.

Do they seriously think I'll just waltz back into their life after 2-years like nothing happened? Also after 2 years how have they not changed their approach even once to try to understand my point of view or ask 'how can we fix this?' or even acknowledge the estrangement? Is that too much to ask?