Am I (and my therapist) delusional for believing that becoming a parent doesn't require constant sacrifice, loss of identity, and just in general, completely turning our lives upside down?
My husband and I, for pretty much all the same reasons, have been stuck on the fence for longer than we'd like. One of the primary reasons is simply that we really love the life we have together right now, and we're struggling to see a version of our lives where we're exhausted, have little to no time for hobbies and friends, and still as happy, or even happier. The big question boils down to SHOULD we be parents (will we be happy with our decision?), rather than CAN we be parents (do we feel confident that we have the skills and temperament to be good parents together? Our answer to this is yes).
I've gone back to therapy this year to try to dig a little deeper with someone who has professional experience working with people who are struggling with parenting (parenting is listed as one of my therapist's specializations) and provide insight we can't get from friends or family. My therapist and I have talked a bit over our last few sessions about the sacrifices that I perceive parenting to require that aren't temporary. The lack of sleep, constantly being sick — that's all temporary with an end in sight. But things like continuing our hobbies, staying connected with our childfree friends, giving our dogs the same amount of love and attention, and still hitting spots on our travel bucket list — those all feel like a big question mark.
When I interact with parents who have children under 5, all they talk about is how much they love and adore their children but have no time to do the things they enjoyed doing in their pre-child/children lives. When I talk to parents, the conversation almost always circles back to their kids. It feels like the parents I interact with have allowed their lives to be consumed by their children, rather than incorporating their children into their lives. In my mind, if we were to have children, we would incorporate children into our existing lives. We would continue to do the things we find joy in, accepting that it will look different, but we will not be sacrificing/losing them altogether. It feels naive to think that way, especially based on how parenting has been modeled around us. My therapist has assured me that what I have envisioned is completely reasonable, that it would require more work upfront, but is a realistic expectation to have.
Am I crazy? Is my therapist crazy? Are there former fencesitters out there that feel like they've achieved this in parenthood?