Boyfriend's parents are asking for cash for marriage
My (29 F) boyfriend's (29M) parents have asked for cash from my parents.
We have been together for 8 years now. The marriage talks began between the families recently. There was no demands/ requirements initially, even when my parents offered gifts (furniture, etc.). But post the third meeting, there were subtle indications by pointing out "how they left no stone unturned for their daughter's wedding", "how they gifted certain cash to their son in law" but my parents did not ask if they wanted cash.
However, in the recent meeting, they asked my parents for their budget and started planning everything around that budget, gave a minimal budget for the venue, clothes, etc. and asked my parents to give the remaining amount in cash. His family also believes that they've spent a significant amount on the jewellery they'll get for me (which is as per their own choice, I'm okay if they don't get it)
I'm appalled by how things are for girls even in the present world. My boyfriend isn't agreeing, has refused for the cash, has even asked his family to not take the money but they're not agreeing. He feels indebted to the family and doesn't know what to do further. He's even offered to give that amount to my parents, which they can give to his family.
My two issues with this entire scenario:
While I have no doubts on my boyfriend's intentions, it irks me that he cannot take a firm stand for what he clearly believes is wrong.
Today, it's the cash, after marriage, it'll be the gifts, on festivals, after childbirth and what not. And neither me nor my parents will be able to keep up with it.
His family is orthodox and considers that the boy's family is always superior to the girl's family. (They have always been respectful towards my parents but there is a subtle "ladkewala" arrogance)
The amount is significant and can be utilised in a better manner on the venue, outfits, even jewellery.
I'm a single child to my parents, have a decent education and am settled in a metro city. Coming from a middle class background, they made many compromises to give me a par excellence life. Putting them in such a spot makes me feel disgusted. Not that it matters to me but in terms of salary, I earn more than double of what my boyfriend does. And despite all of that, my father is being asked to pay to get me married.
EDIT: Spoke to my boyfriend about it. He's ready to put his foot down for my sake. But also says that the no should've come directly from my family, would have been easier. Because now if he'll oppose, his family will probably think that it's me influencing him (also, since the family is orthodox, they want the marriage discussions to happen between the elders and us to stay out of it). Also, if his family then opposes him saying no to the cash and the marriage ultimately, he'll not leave them and get married. He'll also not get married to someone else but that's about it.