First breakdown in a while…
So I’m in my late twenties already, I thought my brain had finally developed into that point where I wouldn’t need to crash out, breakdown, and/or self-isolate again.
But just this morning, I woke up, I felt like my body is three times heavier than before, I spoke to my parents to ask about lunch - disagreed on the choices, I got frustrated and decided to buy my own, I lied back down and cried. I cried very hard, it was the kind of cry that’s painful because it felt like everything is stuck and the tears won’t flow out. I know I wasn’t crying because of lunch, I was just so exhausted. I’m dreading that today is a Sunday and in a couple of hours, I have a pile of work to do from a new job (3 weeks old) where I feel miserable, anxious, and so stressed. The companies I’ve applied to have not gotten in touch with me, and most probably won’t. I have no savings, nowhere to go on weekends - I’m always just stuck in my room with my dogs, one of them diagnosed with a heart condition. I feel so empty and overwhelmed all at the same time. I know I’m never doing enough, but I also can’t find it in me to give it my all. I feel so defeated.