90s purity culture & dating regrets
I didn’t date as a teenager because of all the insidious ways 90s purity culture infiltrated my family/home/church. And I’m not just talking about the slut shaming sermons and fear-mongering about pregnancy/STIs, though obviously that’s always a big part of it.
It was also in the little ways my family would tease and make assumptions about opposite-sex friendships. My parents dated in HS and married shortly after mom graduated, so that was clearly the expectation. I grew up looking at their prom picture, posed so similarly to their wedding portrait. So dating when my non-evangelical peers started to date seemed simply too high stakes for me, and I shut it down. Doesn’t help that I fostered intense crushes on people whom I assumed would never see me as a potential romantic partner—though looking back, maybe they would have! But I’d never know because I was too scared and embarrassed to “ruin the friendship” and draw insinuations from my family.
I finally started dating in my out-of-state college, but only had one formal romantic relationship with one guy. We’ve been married for about 15 years now. I have made peace with the fact that I can love him but still mourn the experiences I missed due to the impossible and developmentally chilling effect of purity culture.