Should you reach out to a friend if things ended ambiguously?
I (M25) have a female friend, and we are both the same age. We met in college through a mutual friend, and things grew from there. We used to do a lot together go out to eat, play games, take night drives or walks, do outdoor activities, or just talk on the phone for hours.
Over time, as responsibilities came up, things started to change. She got a job with the government, which she absolutely hates. From what she’s told me, there’s a lot of drama, and she’s also dealing with family issues. We used to hang out a lot, and I think she was lonely and needed company to escape everything going on in her life.
At the same time, I was working a lot. I had three jobs and couldn’t hang out with her as much. I also wasn’t entirely transparent about how much I was working. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but I needed to work because my mom lost her job, and I had to help support my family. Still, I wanted to make time for my friend.
One day, she asked me to come over around 8:30 PM. I went, and she suggested we get food first. She also wanted to talk because she was stressed about work and finding a new job. We went to get Chick-fil-A, but while we were there, I noticed her mood started to change. She began stonewalling me whenever I asked questions.
When we got back to her place, she slammed my car door. We sat in silence for about an hour and a half without saying anything. Eventually, she said it was getting late and apologized, saying she never intended for us to get food and not talk. She offered me gas money, but I declined. As she walked me out, she asked when she could get her sweater back that she had left at my place. I told her, Whenever you’re free.
Fast forward a month later she texted me and stopped by my place to pick up her sweater. She greeted me, we had a brief, cordial conversation, and I gave it back to her. She left pretty quickly, and there was no mention of what happened the last time we hung out.
Since then, I haven’t heard from her in over a year. I miss the times we spent together, especially since it felt like we were both escaping the stress in our lives. I don’t know if I said something to offend her, but she was clearly upset. She can be a bit sensitive and emotional at times there were moments when she would get upset if things didn’t go her way or start cursing out of nowhere.
It’s been a year now, and I’ve been thinking about reaching out, but I don’t know what the outcome would be. What if she’s in a relationship? What if she doesn’t respond at all? I just want some clarity about what happened that night and if I did something wrong. We never had any arguments before, so when that happened, I was really confused. However she is know to be avoidant. She has done this before to another friend and just claim to me about how they are and wanting to retract from the friendship. She would blame her behavior because of her parents and that she is a military kid.
Should I reach out, or should I just let the relationship go?