my bf likes gay porn
hellooo my first post ever so hopefully this goes well
i'm 19F and my bf is 22M, i found out recently in which he confessed that he "[watched gay porn 4 times and came to it]" i was ok with the gay porn at first but was upset at the fact he hid it from me. at the beginning of our relationship he wanted to enforce the boundary of no porn & no jerking off. (he's more extreme w these things like we can check each others phones whenever.) i didn't really care i just rolled w it. and i was more upset that he broke that boundary and hid it from me for two weeks. it broke trust in me and everytime i wasn't with him i would think, 'is he watching gay porn?!' and it made me upset.
just some background and i hate to even say it because it's not what for me to say but he was sexually abused as a kid (6) by his brother. and he says it's a big part of his porn addiction. i don't know if this is something i should ask more about because i only know the general idea that he had gotten sexually abused, but would it make me more understanding of that? like i'm not sure how long this was ongoing or in what ways he had gotten abused.
i really want to be understanding because for the whole past two days i was kind of absorbed in my own bubble, which im not saying im not valid for that. but i should be there for him too because he just told me he was struggling with a porn addiction. i've read a few other "bf likes gay porn"/porn addiction posts and i guess it's a common jump from like vanilla porn -> gay porn because it's more thrilling and "taboo." which has definitely calmed my nerves a bit.
i guess there's a piece missing and i should've added this in earlier but, our sex life is horrible. like 1x/2 weeks if not skipping a month sometimes. and that feels shitty as a 19 y/o woman because i feel like i should be having the most sex in my life! and we were good at the start but it just greatly diminished. and i was already insecure we weren't having sex, the gay/porn just threw me for a whirlwind. i keep saying it "enhances my insecurities by 1000x."
so with this and amongst a lot of other bad things in our relationship, but this being almost the last straw for me. i guess should i support him? how do i move forward from this? and one last note i forgot to mention was i asked him to be completely transparent about when he relapses, because i don't wanna be second-guessing him every second i'm with him. is that wrong? and ALSO we only started dating 8 months ago but he never told me about his porn addiction until recently. is that wrong of him?
someone please give me your kind wisdom, thank you.