i’m a girl. i’ve always been one. i’ve loved traditionally feminine things for as long as i can remember. i’ve never felt any discomfort with puberty until last month.
now this all started in october 2025. to keep this short, in january 2025 i got into this fandom and loved the male x male ship. i longed to have a dynamic like that. i noticed the nore dominant one got more attention so i started picturing myself as a woman but the more cool or dominant one in a relationship with a man. but in october, i saw this video that i resonated with. it said,
“i want to be in a male x male relationship”
the top comment said, “that’s how i found out i was trans btw” and other things like “first step denial second step daniel”. i guess i got anxious. i googled labels after labels and settled with demigirl although before this i didn’t even think about my gender. since i thought yeah i guess i want to be a cool dominant woman that this is me. i also liked the *sound* of she/they.
so in november i had this dream that i was wearing a suit and tie. mind you, through all of this i was identifying as bisexual and had an interest in billie eilish. billie isn’t a typical feminine presenting woman and i wanted to be her. i thought she was so cool. so i adapted to that label of being bi because i thought it was cool as well. may have something to do with my adhd. i realised later that i just think some girls are pretty but nearly %100 attracted to men. this is reverent because billie eilish would wear suits but i misinterpreted this dream as something to do with my gender. i started researching.
ever since then i’ve been in distress and sadness because i feel like i’ve fully lost myself to this obsession. thoughts?