r/detrans

As above.

Since I realized my identity of being a trans man was caused by trauma, depression, low self esteem, autism, adhd, confusion, puberty, gender envy, sexual assault, I’m genuinely questioning everything. I have a lot of trans friends. But how do you feel like a man? Gender is a social construct, society decided how men and women are supposed to dress and act. There was this study there they compared cis men and women’s brain with trans men and women’s. The result was: there are noticeable differences but they couldn’t 100% explain transgender identity based on this data.
And the thing with you are born with female genitalia and your brain develops incorrect and suddenly produces wrong hormones or whatever, also kinda weird to me and not 100% the answer.

My point is, there’s no answer which actually completely proves that this is reality. If anyone knows better than me or is educated about this feel free to explain it to me.
I’ve noticed a pattern of people with serious mental health issues ended up trans, and those health issues weren’t even connected to their identity. I think all of my trans friends are mentally unstable.

While starting testo I never got the education I needed, they just expected me to know my identity,

I feel like a lot of people who are currently debating to detransition feel stuck. Feel like they ruined their life forever.
I’ve read a few detrans stories here and it kinda gave me hope, hope for an enjoyable life afterwards.

Feel free to share your story <3

Im 19 and young looking I feel like I could never pass with this voice when speaking. Im Lucky I never got top surgery, I’m convinced I could pass as woman appearance wise. I’m unable to just detransition socially right now but I’m very scared my life will be harder than before after doing it. Voice training and surgery is still an option but that’s not a promise it’ll 100% work out.

If anyone had similar worries before going back to become a cis woman lmk. And how much it actually influenced your life. I don’t want to justify myself for the rest of my life being a cis woman all the time so people don’t treat me like a freak.

How I imagine it right now, barley speaking up in public, not wanting to go outside, especially not alone. Having to justify yourself all the time. I don’t want those situations to dominate my life.

I started testosterone when I was 15 years old via "informed consent." I never had a therapist. I got top surgery the next year when I was 16, just before my senior year of high school. I stayed on testosterone until I was almost 22, and I'm 24 now. My voice dropped to a bass-baritone. I got laser hair removal for my facial hair this year, but it's not enough. Even though my appearance passes, as soon as I speak it's ruined. People always dance around pronouns when they talk to me, or just flat out call me a guy.

I'm glad my appearance has changed, but I guess I thought it would do more for me. I'm haunted by the memories of a 40-something year old male doctor groping my chest when I was a minor to assess it for surgery. I only had breasts for a couple of years. They were small anyway -- I rushed into surgery because I was tired of my ribs hurting from binding, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to figure it out myself in college. Now I feel like I'm missing a part of my body that practically every other woman has. My results don't even look good. The scars are long and stretched out, the nipples are more like discolored scars than healthy tissue, and one side of my chest is practically concave. To me, it's a visible, physical symbol of my own self-hatred, and a reminder of what could have been. On top of that, I've tried voice training, but it just feels like a lost cause. Even if I could speak passably, I'll never be able to sing the way I could again. My voice used to be so free, but now I sound like I'm being strangled (and it physically hurts) if I go higher than A3... It also hurts whenever I have to speak loudly, which is something I need to do constantly for my job. There's no way for me to shout and sound remotely female at the same time.

I don't know how to cope with any of this. I don't know a single person who is going through anything even close to this. I just want to be a normal young woman. I never gave myself the chance to be one. When I refer to myself as a woman out loud with my deep voice, it makes me feel like an imposter. I've permanently made myself an outsider. I feel like I ruined my life before it even started. Two years of detransition have hardly helped. I don't know what to do. It's hard for me to imagine living out the rest of my life like this.

One of the reasons I thought I wanted to “become” a man was that I was extremely tired of being a woman in this patriarchal world. I found it suffocating that, as a woman, I was confronted with so many beauty standards. I found it stressful to constantly have to worry that something might happen to me (I’ve experienced violent and sexual assaults in the past). I was annoyed by all the beauty routines (shaving my legs, skincare, etc.). I was frustrated by the bothersome aspects of having a female body (periods, vaginal discharge, water retention).

But it wasn’t until after my detransition that I realized that 90% of the women in my friendgroup feel the same way. As a woman, you grow up very differently from men from a young age. And from my perspective, I always had the impression that as a man, you could go through life much more easily and carefree. Of course, I know that men have their own challenges in this world, but they don't have to stress about so many things in daily life.

But ultimately, it was never about trans identity - it was simply about gender envy. Of course, there were other psychological factors that contributed to my distress at the time, but all the societal expectations placed on women played a major role. Did anyone else feel this way?

Detransitioner Fox Varian Awarded $2 Million in Historic Lawsuit

Right now I have no range and no ability to project. I was at Ren faire and tried to cheer last weekend at it ended in coughing and choking every time

i've spent about 6 months on hrt, and--while i genuinely like all of the changes to my appearance i've seen so far--i don't think it would ever be possible for me to be seen as a woman without extensive surgeries that i have no interest in getting.

also, i've been experiencing quite a few negative changes to my physical health that i feel could be attributed to hrt, despite my doctor's insistence that it was not likely; my weight has been dropping (i was already borderline underweight before hrt and i've lost like 7lbs atp), and--more recently--i've had to start taking an otc ppi for a "silent reflux" that was constantly burning the back of my throat. i didn't exactly have a healthy diet before this, but i hardly ever even got heartburn before hrt, and now eating anything remotely fatty makes me feel like i'm going to vomit.

have any other mtf (former or otherwise) people experienced something like this while on hrt?

also, if i stopped hrt today, is it likely that everything would just "go back to normal?" i have some slight breast development, but i'm under the impression that i'd see some shrinkage after quitting hrt. other than that, i assume that testosterone would just pick up where i left off after a couple months.

most importantly: how do you cope with living as a man? if i could keep taking hrt and become a somewhat passing woman, i'd do it. frankly, i've read the posts from detrans women on this sub talking about how they rediscovered their femininity and i seethe with jealousy. i'm not sure i would ever fully lose the desire to be a woman, but i've hit a point in my life where i've realized it's simply not possible or physically healthy for me.

So i'm a 18M bi guy having severe TOCD about past experiences that might be interpreted as AGP or "sign of being trans". I used to have TOCD this year's January after a trans person on threads tranvestigated me, then felt better and recovered but starting to question my own sexuality about am I really bi or is gay with comphet (read that lesbian masterdoc), note that i felt myself as a boy in that phase. After I recovered from HOCD which takes me 3 months my brain started introducing the TOCD again but this time its more severe day by day with more rumination.

Just in case the worst thing happened to me and I can't fight this anymore, can I transition and still be a guy?

Not sure if i've AGP since i'm not sure did I inserted myself into the characters or just think about them. Also, I did have at some points, gender euphoria as a boy.

Please don't respond if you come here just to say I'm trans in denial.