r/detrans

Hello, I am AFAB (25). I have been on testosterone for five years. But I am entirely confused by my gender identity. This is a very rambly post so I apologise in advance.

I am currently sat in women’s clothing as I type this. I haven’t taken my Testogel for about a week. I recently came out as non-binary to my friends and family. But, despite this being an option, I still feel like I need to fit myself into the binary. I’ve grown to accept my breasts and actually like them, but I’m torn on bottom surgery as I wish I had a penis but it’ll never be… right. Bottom surgery sucks for FTM, I’m gonna be honest. Like I want a cis penis, not an unrealistic trans one. Sorry if that sounds rude, that’s just my opinion of it.

I grew up very much a tomboy, always wearing boys/men’s clothing, hated my breasts, had my hair cut short, hated skirts and dresses - I rejected any form of femininity as I did not feel like a girl. However, not long before I started transitioning, I actually embraced my femininity briefly. I even worked in a strip club which I really loved and I miss often. I felt in power, in control, I felt sexy and proved to myself that I could be beautiful. But then I started transitioning as I reflected on my masculine childhood and recognised signs of dysphoria in myself.

Looking back on my childhood, perhaps it was bullying. Perhaps it’s because the boys didn’t like me. Perhaps I subconsciously hated myself and couldn’t ever see myself as a beautiful woman so I decided to dress more masculine which resulted in me believing I was a man. I don’t know.

I want to wear makeup, skirts, dresses, pretty nails and sexy lingerie. But I despite she/her pronouns. In my dreams, I have always been a woman - always. In the waking world, I feel like a man around women and a woman around men. I don’t fit into either gender socially.

I wish I could just… hit the reset button?? Idk. Disappear for a while as I figure out what’s going on. I probably need to see a therapist about this to help me gain clarity rather than talking to Reddit. But here we are.

Are there any similar stories on here? From what I’ve told of you in this post, what do you think my gender is? Be honest, that’s what I’m here for.

Thank you.

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Hi everyone! First time posting here. I'm a woman who started detransitioning four years ago. During that time, I went off testosterone, and last summer I got pregnant. I had my first child in March of this year.

My body changed a lot during the pregnancy, as expected. I gained weight, which also brought back a little breast tissue. I had a failed mastectomy about eight years ago, which left me with an infection and significant scarring. Now I'm left with uneven, very small breasts that look quite strange.

I really miss my breasts and feel quite dysphoric about not having them anymore. I think about it every day, and it makes me really sad.

I've been looking into plastic surgery, but the only option I've been able to find much information about is silicone implants. I like working out at the gym, and I've heard that some people aren't able to exercise the same way after getting implants. I've also heard that they may need to be replaced after a number of years, and I really don't like that idea.

That's why I've also been researching fat transfer, where fat is taken from another part of the body and transferred to the breasts. However, it's been really difficult to find information about people's results or before-and-after photos.

Has anyone here had this kind of procedure? Were you happy with the results? I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences.

Also, if anyone has any advice on how I can learn to accept and live with my body as it is, I'd really appreciate it. This has had a significant impact on my mental health and body image, and I'm finding it difficult to come to terms with.

I don't know if this is like, bad to post or anything? But I was there today, and usually you're supposed to have fun. But instead I was filled with just regret and like something horrible was going to go wrong.

As if I was somehow wrong about being queer and transgender, and that maybe I'm just a man. It was not a pleasant experience and honestly made this pride kind of suck.. I sort of wanted to cry.

I don't want to ruin anyones day, but I want to know if someone has ever experienced something similar.

For context I've been getting these sudden urges of regret and ideas that I should detransition roughly for around 2-3 months and I don't know if I should go through with it or not. It comes on and off. Does this mean anything? Keep in mind I do have OCD, so it could be an obsession instead of anything I should seriously consider about myself

HRT 6 months.

Has anyone gone through detransition with a shaved head? I know its not ideal when trying to be seen as a woman, but Im so tired of my hair and my current haircut is major ass. The stylist botched it BAD when I told her to retain length. I just wanted some layers and bangs. I had thick shoulder-length hair and curls and she chopped it up to my jaw and thinned it heavily with shears, and added so many layers (that arent even symmetrical 🫩) that my hair no longer curls. It just doesnt have the length to do so anymore. She might as well have taken clippers with a long guard to my head. At least that would've looked better.

So I've genuinely been contemplating shaving my head. I've done it before and a buzzcut looks good on me, but I've never presented as a woman with a buzzcut before. My sister usually rocks one and most people tend to think she's sick or something (she's fine, she just has insanely thick hair and doesnt want to care for it).

My goal is to have healthy shoulder-length hair again. I've been oiling my scalp and doing scalp massages and stuff. I know shaving my head will make it take longer to get to my goal length, but just trying to fix my hair instead doesn't seem worth the effort. Like if I'm going to cut more, then I might a well cut it all? And just reset everything basically. Blank canvas. I've also been watching a lot of Avatar: The Last Airbender and I love the air nomads (who all have shaved heads at least to some extent) so that's probably not helping.

I'd probably only shave it twice before growing it again. And the second time would only be to get the hair dye out completely once my roots grow in more. Then it'd just be some maintainence here and there to make the awkward stages less awkward while I try to get it back to my shoulders.

Has anyone detransitioned while having a shaved head? Or even just lived life as a woman with one? Was it harder? Was it one less thing to worry about? Would you have chosen to have hair, even if it's a bad cut, instead?

Everywhere I go on Reddit there's so many trans women compared to the amount of trans men, and on top of that it looks like over 85% of detransitioners are AFAB.

Could this actually mean something, maybe that living as female is just better?

My T shots last 3 months. Currently waiting for the 3 months to be up and it just started... What can I do lol, it's still dropping

I have identified as FTM since I was around 15, I'm now 30 and have never medically transitioned, taken hrt, or had any sort of surgery.

I will say, I DO want top surgery, but nothing to do with hormones or bottom surgery.

I was diagnosed with PCOS sometime last year, but I've always had an inkling that I had to have some sort of hormone imbalance because I have more hair on my legs, stomach, and arms than most men I know. I have peach fuzz on my cheeks and lower back. I also grow a pseudo beard - not quite as bad as some that I've seen, but bad enough that it's demotivating. I grow a light mustache too, so I shave that semi regularly.

Couple that with pale skin and dark hair and... well, it's a disaster.

I want to embrace my femininity, but it feels like I will never win.

If I wear makeup, everyone will look at me because I have never worn it. I don't want the attention. If I shave my legs (which requires a lot of effort, as I cannot just stop at the knee like my friends do), the stubble is back in less than 12 hours. I also literally would have to shave up my entire legs, up until they connect to the next thing.

I don't know how to shave my back. I can't see it, obviously, so I don't even know how visible the hair is, but I can feel it when I touch my lower back. My upper back doesn't have hair on it.

I have hair on my stomach, and not just a "happy trail". 80% of my stomach is hairy. I don't know how to shave that at all, or where to stop.

Due to my PCOS, my skin is very unclear. I get breakouts literally everywhere. My legs, arms, back, breasts, ironically it's the least bad on my face! The skin on my face is relatively clear, usually.

I am on depo provera, the birth control injection, and have been since 2022. It completely stopped my heavy, irregular, agonizingly painful periods, but it has contributed to my weight gain on top of other medications I take and my already-existing PCOS body shape.

Lately I've cried at my reflection. My #1 reason for not wanting to get on testosterone is the hair growth. I'm already so deeply unhappy with the hair on my body. I can't imagine how I would feel if it got worse.

I struggle with my mental health on top of all the physical things I hate about myself. Motivation to even begin trying to maintain my body hair is non-existent, especially because I know I'm going to have to do this for my entire life.

It has just been easier to say I'm a guy, identify as a guy. I even legally changed my name to that of a man last September, but I don't sound like a man. I am happy with the new name, and I don't intend to change it back, but ever since then my own doctor's office looks at me sideways when I talk to them about my birth control or ask about obgyns....

I just feel so defeated. I realize I can just be a gender non-conforming woman, but I don't want that. I want to feel beautiful like everyone else, deep down.

Maybe someone can relate? I don't exactly know what advice could be offered... I'd appreciate anything, though...!

Is anyone else like 90-100% convinced they're trans, but you're still choosing to detransition? Its not out of safety or finacial problems or lack of support or even thinking you'd be happier living as cis. Its more just like... I wasn't happy before, and I'm still not happy now. So whats the point of making my life harder? I dream about being a cis woman (not even a cis man, but maybe thats because cis woman is technically possible and cis man is not), I dream about a husband and kids, I dream about not being so outwardly queer (Im not even worried about danger, I just dont want strangers knowing such personal stuff about me by a glance).

I can afford transition, I have an amazing support system, I've luckily never dealt with discrimination for being trans. Im just tired of constantly being at war with my body and trying to pass. I dont even hate my body. I didnt hate it before T and surgery, and I dont hate it now. I only changed it to make social transition easier. Social transition was always the most important, and it's really my only source of dysphoria.

Has anyone else detransitioned just because it's easier?

Hello,

I’m a detrans woman and public figure who writes about detransition for various publications. I’m currently working on a piece about detransition/misgendering kink, and would like to interview some people who engaged in it prior to actual detransition. The degree of anonymity is fully up to you. This would be published most likely on my personal substack, but I would let you know if it gets picked up by an organization and allow you to back out at any time.

My dms are open on this platform, please reach out to me here if you are interested.

I took testosterone for 5 years, and am a few months away from being a year into detransition. I recently had the displeasure of seeing photos of myself from the year 4 mark of being on HRT.

My face was fine I guess (passed as a teenage boy in the face, as an adult woman), but my body looked so strange. I knew it at the time, but looking back, it’s worse than I thought it was. Without getting too into the weeds, my bone structure is exceedingly “feminine,” and male body fat distribution on top of it resulted in some uncanny-valley-looking proportions, even after building muscle (in some ways, this actually made it worse). I never looked like a man, just like a woman that, for lack of a better phrase, had something wrong with her.

The entire time, I had trans friends both online and IRL defend my supposed future ability to pass to the death, like no one was allowed to admit it might not work out for me, even though it became increasingly obvious over time.

I made my own choices, but in lots of ways, their delusional optimism just lengthened an already painful process. Everyone was so insistent it would happen; I always just had to wait a little longer, work out more, try harder. Like a carrot on a stick. It makes me really sad to think about.

I finally accepted that passing as male was an unobtainable goal for me.. but I think I wish I’d had someone I could have said that to sooner, that wouldn’t brush it aside like I was crazy, who would have been able to face reality with me and just be there to say, “Yeah, that sucks.”

Anyway, sorry, just had to get that off my chest. I’ve come to more of a place of acceptance now, I’m able to appreciate that at the very least, even if I’m visibly a woman, I look like a healthy one.

I'm not really sure why I'm here. I've identified as a transgender man for 5 years and my mom thinks that I'm suffering from a different mental illness that is causing what i perceive as gender dysphoria. Imo she is wrong, i really believe that i am a man but she has asked me to question this so i am questioning. She thinks that the people supporting me are creating an echo chamber that doesn't allow me to question so here i am in the sub that would probably question me the most. I'd like to go on hrt and i really believe i am a transgender man. Do you guys think that's possible? Or what can I do to question this. I feel like using hormones is the only way i will be happy. I want to be percieved as a man and whenever i am percieved that way I feel happy and euphoric as opposed to when i am percieved as a woman i feel revolted. And this is specifically to gender as well like i don't hate all of my body just mainly the feminine parts such as chest and voice, not even genitals honestly i don't mind them. Do you guys think i am trans and if not what issues could i explore that would explain the specific feelings about gender i have. I am genuinely looking for an answer here not just trolling or ragebait or anything like that. For some background i did experience trauma in the years leading up to my social transition including sexual trauma. I was always fairly masculine/neutral and never super girly. I also have supportive friends and some family. I go by a different name and he pronouns which make me happy. Honestly, i never questioned my gender after i came out as i felt happy identifying as a man but my mom would like me to do some questioning so i am doing so mostly to make her happy and not because i think it is necessary. Again these are my genuine thoughts and questions i dont mean to upset anyone. What are your thoughts?

Edit: i thought of more relevant info. I have a history of mental illness including depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and self harm. I would even say i became addicted to self harm but have since stopped. I self harmed before and during my transition. I also have no one in my life particularly pressuring me to transition. I know many detransitioners had people trying to pressure them or convince them but i would say i don't have that. I came out to family and friends and they just did what i asked which was to use different pronouns and name. No friends, family, or therapist have specifically told me i should or have to transition, they have just told me to do what i think is right and will make me happy.

Just looking for inspiration and/or others to connect with in similar positions.

Have had a tremendously difficult time trying to build my ego back up again after having it obliterated, after I'd finally began processing two years ago or so that my face was disfigured during transition.

I turned 30 in May. I was trans from 17 to 21. Around 21 I completely let go of transition and embraced being male. I was heavily involved in the bass music/festival scene in the states as an attendee, but quickly became a participant. I'd made friends with a ton of DJs and producers, began DJing amateurishly and started teaching myself music production around 23. I began making a small name for myself locally and online, getting small bookings but most importantly proving to myself that I could be a successful, professional artist in time. The dream and path were clear.

I think a key element was I was blissfully ignorant to my appearance. It sounds like it shouldn't make sense, you'd think "How is that even possible?", but it's like I didn't even comprehend or pay any attention to what I looked like up until around 28. I took pictures, and whatever I looked like was good enough because after all I'd been through, I loved myself and thought I was immaculate. I just loved music and throwing my body around, and people loved me. I got by on confidence and personality I suppose, and in ways I'm grateful for that chapter because it's anchored me in the grounding, sobering thought that maybe that's what counts above all at the end of the day.

A lot of life happened between 23 and now but for brevity. fast forward to around 27 and something clicked in my brain and I just couldn't unsee my reflection as it is anymore. I underwent laser hair removal for over a year during transition and my face looks very unnatural and incongruent to the rest of my body now. My eyebrows were also lasered (which is so ridiculous in hindsight, was my laser tech's idea) into this incredibly unnatural, awkward shape. My beard has maybe 20% left of what was originally there, in this patchy formation. It does not read as "Some guys just have patchy beards". This isn't that, this is obviously unnatural and bizarrely shaped. And there's nothing I can do about it. Shaving looks even worse. So I just keep it as short as I can, but it still immediately reads as "something happened here" in an ugly way.

I feel like an imposter now every day. Like I have this mask on which doesn't accurately represent my aesthetic eye at all, but that I can't take off. Like my face signals to everyone that I am a type of man I am not - one who doesn't understand or care about beauty, which couldn't be further from the truth. How can I walk around like I'm a beautiful man, even when I do feel like I am a beautiful man, at least on the inside, when I'm ugly? Any time I see a sexy guy online, I'm happy for him, but immediately feel inferior, insecure and jealous. How can I ever belong in that world of charisma, sex appeal, beauty, mystique, etc. ever again? I struggle to even wake up in the morning and look in the mirror while applying moisturizer, and here I am supposed to still feel strong enough to shoot for the stars and try and become a celebrity musician.

I look back at old photos I'd posted and have since archived, and I recall how confident I felt taking and posting them, as if I looked gorgeous, and I look at them now and cringe. How could you have not seen how hideous you were? It's embarrassing, but I feel equally as cruel for thinking those thoughts about myself. But I mean I can't lie either, I have eyes. I know what beauty is and what it's not. This is such a tormenting reality.

My mind has become a hell. I try and remember the love people showed me in my early to mid twenties. The supporters I've made wondering where I've been and when I'll be back. The people who don't know about me yet, but who after my hearing my story might deeply resonate and have love for me regardless of what I look like, because they're able to see beneath the surface. But most days it's just too overwhelming to even look in the mirror. Most days I'm paralyzed and hopeless. I feel like I've fallen out of love with myself.

And I'm just wondering if there are literally any other detransitioners out there in similar boats. Not hobby musicians or artists, but those who were actually trying to make a career in the entertaiment worlds. Aspiring or working actors, models, etc. I'd love to know how you guys are managing

I am a Detrans woman (ftmtf). When I was 14, my mother eavesdropped on my therapy sessions and found out I was questioning my gender. When my mother confronted me about it, I told her I thought I’m gender fluid and wanted to explore my gender. By that I meant I wanted to play with fashion, hair, and makeup. I’ve had mental health problems my whole life. My mother believed if I medically transitioned, it would cure my mental illness. She pressured me to take hormones and get a double mastectomy and hysterectomy all before I was 18. I didn’t want any of this. My therapist refused to write a letter approving of hormones and surgery because she knew I was scared and didn’t want any of that. However, my mother doctor shopped and made sure all of those medical procedures happened to me. I was absolutely miserable but my mom tried to convince me I needed this. Meanwhile, my mother made being the mom of a trans kid her entire identity. She gave speeches and attended events as a “trans expert”. The entire time, I was telling anyone who would listen that all of this happened against my will. However, my mother is an extremely well respected member of the community and no one thought my mom would ever do something like this to me. My therapist has years and years of documentation of me saying I never wanted the transition to happen and I want to be completely female. I am 27 now and started officially detransitioning 3 years ago. I’m trying to save enough money to get breast reconstruction and laser hair removal. I decided to make a gofundme and post it on social media. After posting, I immediately got a phone call from my mother. She gaslit me the entire time saying the initial transition was my choice and she didn’t force me to do anything. I calmly told her that everything happened because she forced it. I was terrified and miserable every second I lived as male. She yelled at me and said that nothing I am saying is true and that I’m going to ruin her reputation. She gaslit me hardcore the whole phone call. She is now refusing to talk to me. I’m scared I’m going to completely lose my relationship with my mom even though everything I’ve said online is true. I’m tired of being gaslit and manipulated. I was too young to consent to what happened to me and I never wanted any of it to happen anyway. I don’t know what to do. I’m traumatized and don’t need more trauma. I’ve made an emergency appointment with my therapist so I’m hoping that will help give me some comfort. Has anyone else dealt with anything like this?

In terms of their ToS and "promoting hate based attacks against marginalized whatever"

This is my third time being banned for saying "trains womb in are knot womb in" or something to that effect when engaging in discussion, which evidently isn't a position one is allowed to have and express, even in a detrans or gender critical space. I'm concluding it's like saying the N word with a hard r on here.

If that's the case, I'm not sure how this sub is even allowed and how I've seen that same sentence uttered dozens of times before

Hi!

I've been thinking lately about detransition/stop with hrt.

It just feels so weird socially.

Because I pass(somehow, to the not-so-investigating eye), people from my class and my professor refer to me as she\her. It feels good, but when I sit with the girls, I feel like a total imposter. I feel like I mislead and have misled many people in the past and now.

a thing I never understood is being happy, content, and satisfied with my (male) body. even when I'm fully effeminate, I still want more. I still want breasts, smooth skin; I don't want to lose my hair, and I feel like trying to pass, putting tons of makeup, wearing skirts instead of tucking, constantly looking over my shoulder is an obsession, and it exhausts me.

I obviously do not belong to the girls group, but not so much to the boys, either.

Being a gentle, weird/fem-looking man was out of place when the others were "gorillas"

for the last couple of years, I have been living a double life. With most of my friends and strangers, professionals, and anyone who doesn't know me personally, I use she/her, and with my family I use he\him. Now it has gotten worse because I look way more effeminate than I used to. It is SO exhausting having to change my pants into a skirt when I leave home and back into pants, remove makeup, etc when I'm back home.

I genuinely just want a piece of advice, because there's a missing piece I don't think I see. I know I'm a male, and I can't change that. I wanna make my body as feminine as possible, and I don't think hrt is the best option for me. I'm not even talking about relationships and marriage because that's not possible with my looks. What am I doing wrong in my way to accepting my body? loving it?

The title might be confusing so let me explain. Even when I transitioned, I always inwardly accepted I was female. I never denied it or insisted I was biologically male. And accepting that I'm female never caused me any distress. All my "dysphoria" was social. I didnt have any dysphoria when I was alone. I only went through medical and legal transition to make the social aspect easier.

Now Im trying to detransition, but Im having a hard time accepting being perceived as/portraying myself as a woman. Inwardly I can acknowledge and accept it 100%, I even want to be a woman. But once someone calls me ma'am or she/her, I get upset. Which makes no sense because I have daydreams of being happy being called she, ma'am, girlfriend, wife, mother, etc. I dream about myself with long hair and breasts again. Even curves I never had pre-T. All female/feminine things. I want these things to feel right. I want to be able to outwardly accept Im female the way I do inwardly instead of still trying to pass as a man while telling myself I'm a woman.

How do I fix this??