r/detrans

Posted here a few days ago expressing that I'm considering detransition for various reasons (not safety-related or political in nature).

When I've heard about detransition it's mostly been through the lense of actively trans folk or TRA's. I'm wondering if anyone has unbiased sources on the statistics of retransition after detransitioning.

Moreover, these question are for anyone; Do you have any regrets around detrans? Why or why not? How has it changed your life & the way you see yourself. How did you resolve your dysphoria without transition?

Thanks in advance

this is a bit long but i really wanted to share it somewhere.

i was always aware of trans people and fully supported them. i knew about non binary and all those nonsense genders too but never believed in them. everything changed in 2020 when everyone on tiktok suddenly was trans or non binary or some other gender. i was always sure i was a woman even though i didn't fit female stereotypes but when i started to watch those videos more and more, something changed. i started to have gender confusion.

i was convinced i was either a trans man or non binary because i don't relate to most women as i'm quite tomboyish. i also thought i had dysphoria because i don't like having an uterus, pregnancy and everything related to that. i thought i wanted top surgery too, because i became hyperfixated on the fact breasts are made to feed babies. that made me feel disgusting. but those were the only things on my body that bothered me. i came to the conclusion i didn't want testosterone so i was non binary.

i was completely miserable during this whole period. everyone saw me as a woman. i knew i was a woman, i just didn't want to be. i became a non binary truscum because i thought i would feel more "valid" as most non binary people are just feminine women who were completely comfortable with their body. i was still miserable because i knew the truth. no such thing as non binary, genderfluid, etc. it's just a cope. i tried to convince myself i was a trans man but i'm just not.

this phase lasted from 2020 to 2022. it's 2026 and i'm still recovering from all the demage this did to my head. i was never the same again, don't know if i'll ever be. i'm just slowing accepting that it's ok to be different. it's okay not to fit stereotypes. it's okay to not want to "fulfill" the biological functions of your sex. i'm okay with my breasts now, thankfully. top surgery never felt fully right for me and i'm glad i never went through with it.

i can't help but feel anger for all the gender stuff that happened online at that time that messed me up so much. i wish that never happened. i wish i could feel normal again, i wish the world went back to normal. all of that is so harmful and so many people have lost touch with reality. nothing i can do now but protect myself from all that. if anyone read all this, thank you. i needed to get it off my chest.

A very short post, but i was treated horribly as a woman. Nobody ever listened to me, i was catcalled constantly, and i was seen as a "dumb blonde" even though i blew all of my classmates out of the water.

I guess it's easier to be taken seriously as a man. Nobody questions me about my knowledge of car mechanics as a guy, but when i was wearing pretty dresses, i got constantly talked down to, even if i was more knowledgeable in my field than whatever dude was talking to me. Not only that, even other women would make fun of girls, simply for existing. I know this is due to internalised misogyny and what women have to deal with, but having lived through it once, idk if i have the strength to deal with that again.

It's almost like the uncomfortability of being a man is better than the mistreatment of being a woman. How did you all do it? Being seen as a man was the first time i was ever actually seen.

So I finally told my friends that I'm detransitioning. And one of them told me she's a desister. She didn't use that language exactly because she doesn't know it, but she told me she thought she was trans but realized later she wasn't and dropped it all.

She's literally the friend that helped me realize I'm not trans. I've been so envious of her and her life that it started to make me reflect on why. She's this beautiful woman with long curly hair. She has a body type like mine (before I got top surgery anyway), life goals like mine, an attitude towards life like mine. Sometimes it kind of felt like looking at her was like looking in mirror, except the reflection was me if I never transitioned. And I always liked the reflection more.

We both thought we were trans for the same reasons, and knowing that we had similar experiences with gender makes me feel better about this whole thing. I took it farther than she did and actually transitioned, but now knowing her experience with gender, I dont feel so envious of her. I feel more hopeful that I can still be like her. Not bitter that I'm not.

My other friend is two-spirit (they're Native American) and also understands my detransition. So I feel way more confident in myself now.

I'm almost 27 and been on T since 18, ID'd as trans since 12 and have nothing but regrets at this point. I had top surgery in 2022 and it was traumatic since my surgeon fucked me over with post op care and I had delayed healing in 1 nipple, it doesn't look right and I want a revision on it. Now I'm having nervous breakdowns about my hairline since I've noticed miniaturized hairs on my temple (always had baby hairs around there but I'm worried these might be falling out) and even though it looks the same as it did 3 years ago I'm still panicking over the future and debating whether to start DHT blockers or cease testosterone. I want to stay on T for muscle builiding and maintenence and because I can't 'go back' and ever be read as female again but I'm so scared of reacting badly to hair loss meds and fucking myself up further. I haven't been able to sleep in 2 days over it. My skin is royally fucked up at the moment since I used a bunch of harsh acne treatments since I had a bad T dose causing crazy amounts of acne and I damaged my barrier to the point it looks mottled, it's getting better month by month and doesn't look like there's actual scarring but I've been a shut in for years now. I have zero dating life and never had sex or kissed because I was always waiting & I have goals to force myself out there next year because I want a boyfriend (bisexual but prefer guys, prob wouldnt have transitioned if i wasnt since i think i have some sexual inversion thing where i wanted to be a type of guy im attracted to) All in all transitioning hasn't fixed shit it's just made me feel ugly as fuck and like a freak. I have severe OCD, BDD + AuDHD & I feel like a fucking idiot for going down this route when I could have just sucked it up and been a hypermasculine woman, i felt so ashamed of being female I tried to conceal my sex and looking back on it It all happened after I had a traumatic experience at my primary school graduation where adults scorned me for showing up in mens clothes, doesn't sound like much and I rejected the idea i had trauma over it but my parents noticed my behavior change overnight after that. I dont know who to talk to about this irl I have a psychologist appointment next month but really i feel I need some kind of outpatient care or something. I feel like im suffocating and I can't stop crying. Its 2am and I can't sleep over this shit. my hormones are all fucked up right now too since I'm DIYing testosterone to try and give myself a more optimal dose to stop acne & I'm on my 11th week on it and still having menstrual cycles from adjustment (public health in my country doesnt offer T in vials only prepackaged, so i had to buy my own from the underground market. I'm injecting 3-times a week). my options now are either continue with transition and get on a DHT blocker asap as a preventative for any potential balding or stop T altogether and live life as a feminized looking guy, and give up on my dreams of being ripped & probably feel like shit either way. I self harmed a lot in high school too and this feels like the ultimate act of self harm i can't hide. To top this all off I developed a fucking detrans/misgender kink about a year after surgery and started wishing I had a bf who would treat me like a woman in bed along with getting off to lesbian sex fantasies and wishing I had breasts again purely for sexual reasons. Dont know if I even wouldve liked having them played with. I had a tuberous deformity so I wouldve felt fucked up about them even if I didn't transition but at least they were a part of me. I look at old pictures of me pre puberty and feel like crying cos i wonder wtf went wrong & I looked so normal, and pre-T I had this androgynous bishie thing coz I had an emo haircut to hide my face going on and a lot of girls liked me. I genuinely feel like a fucking monster now and unlovable even though ive been told im handsome. Im grieving who i was so much I can't believe i actually went through with all this shit its like chasing a fucking dragon. I can't believe i thought living as a masculine woman or just a woman period was impossible. I live inside my own head a lot and am a chronic daydreamer too and would jst do that 24/7 to escape from my shitty ass life back as a teen and i still do it now. its hard to break out of & I'm unemployed and on disability and only now trying to start a career path through online college but i cant even focus on that. I want to start living so bad. I barely have friends too just 2 others and none of us are doing well. If anyone here's in Sydney hit me up because i'm fucking lonely. Transitioning has made me jaded as fuck too for meeting new people since they treat me as one of the guys & I know they would treat me differently if they knew and a lot of them prob would straight up dislike me coz they're sexist/homophobic/conservative and don't like GNC women or women who step out of line or whatever.

Since I was young, I’ve wanted to be a bird. I am not making this up. Specifically—an eagle. I have always envied birds’ abilities to fly and soar the skies with complete freedom.

Hell, if I could shapeshfit between an eagle and a human, I would. Not only would it be convenient, it’d also be wicked fun.

Would I press a button to do this? Hell yes. Now, supposing the right circumstances occurred, I could fixate on this and turn it into genuine distress. In fact, I don’t doubt that there are people out there who would willingly press a button to turn into a fox or other animal because they’ve felt distress about not being that animal.

Does pressing this button define my existence? Does pressing it mean I am what I say I am?

What if I pressed it, but then decided I wish I hadn’t a day later? What about a month later?

A hypothetical button is a weak experiment to try and define your existence.

I have strong AGP. I’ve had crossdressing desires since I was 4 years old. Within the past year, during arousal, there would have been numerous times I would’ve pressed a button to be a cisgender woman.

And there are many times when I would’ve pressed a button to become an eagle.

Imagine if we used this button test to weigh desires at every turn.

I would’ve been a transgender eagle with a genocidal streak of wiping out real estate agents and landlords if that were the case.

I've been wondering, has anyone else had the urge after deciding to detransition, to try and purge all record and trace of their time in transition from the face of the Internet, starting with their socials?

Given that transition isn't a real option, what am I supposed to do by how I feel? I'm nearly to a point where I can't function as a normal human being because of my gender issues. I kid you not seeing so much as a woman (especially lesbians) at just the right moment can ruin my day to the point I won't even work.

I'm breaking down crying almost every night because I hate every single masculine trait of my body. It's downright repulsive and I can't help but hurt it. I keep doing reckless things and develop an active disdain towards masculinity in any form and then also resent and envy women. I hate everyone including myself. If this doesn't end soon then I won't have many choices left for handling this.

i imagined myself as my sister's brother and not her sister and immediately got hit with such strong sense of authority and power that i have never felt before, this is euphoria isnt it? i imagined giving her money as a brother and it felt so good while the same scenario as a sister, i ddidnt feel anything. even as if im writing rn, the word brother felt so overwhelming and nice? i dont think this is novelty. its the end for me. i just feel so masculine rn not even masculine, just a man. anything feminine repulses me now

Hello all. I have been obsessively checking trans spaces online to see if I’d like having a flat chest and now it feels like I want it. I don’t understand, a couple days ago I was upset about having smaller boobs :(

For context I was FtM but now I’m trying to ease my way out of it by detransitioning and embracing my biological sex for the sake of many reasons. I want to do this. I haven’t told anybody neither any friends I have, this isnt a new thought but like my physical appearance I look androgynous and not feminine and I want to be more feminine. I thought about mentioning it to a new therapist for some type of help or advice but I’m not sure how to do that. Any help??

I’ve been struggling for the past 6 months with the thought of detransitioning. This year will be my 4th year on hormones and my transition has been wonderful. I’ve always struggled with my self perception and whether or not I pass but it never really felt this existential until recently. I had a breakup about 7 months ago and ever since then I’ve been spiraling about whether or not I’ve made a mistake in my transition and now I’m completely unable to see myself the way others do. When I look in the mirror I can’t see female only male and I look absurd, from my perspective. According to everyone else in my life I either pass well enough or pass totally. I don’t notice anyone clocking me and I’ve never had any sort of negative experiences other trans women I know get. When I’ve told people that I’m trans they seem genuinely surprised and there’s plenty of people who interact with me as though I’m female. I’ve never been misgendered or anything like that. Not even once. But in my mind they’re all just lying to me or just being polite. I feel like I look grotesque and it’s making my life hell.

I have felt dysphoria or that I was in the wrong body as far back as I can remember. I’ve never felt male and I have always felt female, even before I knew the difference. I’ve spent my entire life miserable and in this agonizing discomfort because of my body. Especially during and post puberty. I never thought I would get to transition and now that I have I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have and just stayed miserable. The only time I feel remotely comfortable in my body is when I’m presenting female but I have this strong anxiety about passing and I feel like everyone is laughing at me or I’m making people uncomfortable.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I don’t feel as though I pass but according to everyone I’ve talked to about this they assure me I do. The most critical description I’ve gotten is that I pass more than I think I do but probably not as much as I want. One of my friends says most of the time i pass totally but sometimes I’m teetering on the edge of questionable. I am short and somewhat smaller in frame and estrogen has softened my features quite a bit and shaped my body to look for feminine. I’ve gotten extremely lucky with my physical development. But I can’t see what other people see. When I look in the mirror I just see a man dressed like a woman and in my eyes I look horrible.

After two years of presenting female every day I’ve started presenting male any time I don’t have to present female to keep up appearances. But my dysphoria has been completely ruining my life. I just want to be a woman because that’s what feels true to myself but I feel so uncomfortable in my own body that I don’t want to present this way to avoid embarrassment or discomfort.

I’m at a point where I’ve legally changed my name, my gender markers, and most people only know me as female. I have a whole social life where I haven’t disclosed that I’m trans and apparently nobody has any idea. Part of me thinks I should just ghost everyone who knows me as a woman and just stop pretending to be a woman and just go back to being a miserable man. But that means I lose all my friends and probably changing universities or abandoning school all together, having to change my name or at least my gender markers, and becoming a secluded loner. I don’t want to reveal to everyone that I’ve been trans this whole time and face the potential and likely backlash and harassment. So becoming isolated and a loner seems to be the least stressful route.

I don’t know what to do. I guess my options are continuing as I have been and finding a way to feel comfortable in my current body OR detransition and start my life over from zero. I want to just be a woman but I know that no matter how much I try I will never be a real biological female. I will always be insecure and feel sad that my body will never look like other women and I will never have the same experiences as them. I don’t know if therapy can fix this or if I should just give up and detransition. I have been crying almost every day and having frequent periods of crisis about this. It weighs on me heavily.

I don’t know if this is even the appropriate venue to ask these sorts of questions or seek the advice I need. I hope you all have some words of encouragement or wisdom to share with me. What should I do?

I am not part of any "gay community"

What's it like to get older with no kids?

Realized I actually did want kids, but it's far too late now

I am going to be a lonely soul. How do I cope? Maybe get a dog?

Last June I tweeted out a detrans announcement that got 9 million views and went bananas viral all over social media. It changed my life overnight. I lost all my LGBT friends, got kicked off of LGBT boards, and was thoroughly canceled. This is because I was a well known TRA on Twitter. The community came for my head.

Almost a year later and they are still coming at me. It shredded my entire life to pieces. My point is that I know there is no safe place to land for a detransitioner. I just happened to have an extremely public hazing and public detransition. I wouldn’t recommend going public with detrans tbh until you find a community of support.

Things have to change for detrans. There needs to be a safe place to land for those who want to leave trans behind. I would like to hear from others and their experiences with detrans and how it affected your relationship with others. I’m very isolated now because of the loss of a whole community.