u/peacock_00

I've been looking at a lot of female livestreamers lately, as well as other women in my spaces. Mainly ones who play the same games I do, like Chunithm and Beatmania, or who talk about topics I’m interested in. It’s giving me feelings that are hard to deal with.

Not that women doing things that I do bothers me for its own sake, of course, but I think seeing women being themselves in my niche spaces plants the idea back in my head that I can do all the things I love and still be just as much of a woman. It makes me yearn a lot for what could have been. And the more that happens the more I start seeing transition as viable, and I’m trying very hard not to have that happen. I’m trying to force myself to believe that I am a man, but it just isn’t working. I think that because maleness and manhood is out of reach for me, I want to force femaleness and femininity to be accessible to me (and by extension to anyone else). I want to be a proverbial sister.

I know transitioning is out of the question for me, for numerous reasons, but I still don't know how to cope with the dysphoria after all these months. Gender is embedded into so many basic functions of living such that every day is multiple constant reminders of the fact that I'm not a woman nor am I an actual man.

And then I am also reminded that even though I’m at the bottom of the masculine hierarchy, I’d never be able to fit in as a woman, either. I’m far more like most women than most men, in general, but it’s not enough to be in female peer groups. Nothing I do will ever be enough. If I wanted to ‘pass,’ so to speak, I’d have to revolve my entire life around keeping up appearances to match even a fraction of what women have effortlessly and naturally, and even then the height and the testosterone are too evident.

A thought I just had while I was writing this that I’m going to write down here, vis-à-vis the realization that I’m not an actual man, is that because maleness and masculinity are inaccessible to me, I think I project that by wanting femaleness and femininity to be accessible to me (and, by extension, to anyone) and trying to force it to be so by circular thinking. And at the same time I avoid anything associated with males because of that disconnect.

The last thing I want to do is to seem like some obnoxious MRA or harp about some kind of ‘male experience’ that’s inconsequential, because obviously being a man in Western society comes with undeniable benefits, but something being beneficial to me and it being good are two different things. I just don’t know how I can be expected to keep on living in a body that is so at odds with everything I am, despite that.

Hi there!

I'm a Roman Catholic considering converting to Orthodoxy. I've read a lot about the faith and its history in general over my own return to (Catholic) faith over the last year; I've also been to an Eastern Orthodox Divine Liturgy and really want to find time to go to more, and I find them very beautiful and holy. My main concerns with Catholicism are theological and historical in nature, and while I won't get into them here, I've been slowly coming to a conclusion that it is Orthodoxy that represents the fullness of the Church that Christ established.

One thing I've been considering, however, is that all the Orthodox churches in my city have some sort of ethnic affiliation (mainly Greek, Ukrainian, or Russian; the Divine Liturgy I went to was at an Antiochian Orthodox church, and the most convenient one for me to go to is Greek). The idea of worshiping alongside a culture that isn't my own doesn't bother me, of course, but because my own cultural background doesn't have any connection to Orthodoxy, I worry whether I'd be able to fit into the church community. I expect to feel like an outsider in a denomination I'm converting to, of course, but I don't want my being an outsider to underscore my entire experience moving forward.

Has anyone else had these thoughts or experiences? Any perspectives on this would be appreciated.

new arcade opened up closer to me and i’m trying to scope it out. the one i previously went to had CiRCLE, the newest version, but this one that just opened has PRiSM.

will aime still work on that and update my rating, or will i need to continue or make a separate profile or something? couldn’t find a clear answer online so i’d rather ask here and see if anybody has experience with that

thanks!

edit: turns out they’re CiRCLE machines just with PRiSM signage!

my two brothers and i have started playing maimai now that there’s a cabinet in our city, and it’s so fun! it’s come easier for me because i have lots of previous experience as a rhythm gamer and though i’ve got a long way to go i'm pretty happy with my progress (and really wanna stay ahead of them lol)

however, one small (or tall) problem: we’re all 6’4”/193cm. sometimes it’s natural on easier charts to stay at pretty much normal height, but other times i have to crouch down sort of awkwardly to get a better reach, especially for patterns that are heavy on the bottom four buttons or that have a lot of jumps.

any other tall players have any tips on playing maimai a little more comfortably?

(Detrans and desisted male replies only, sorry)

I saw a post a little while ago (about a week ago) from a woman who was hating being a woman during detransition and was hoping to read replies from others that could help them.

I am unfortunately (still) in the same boat, only the other way. Since desisting, my dysphoria has gotten pretty severe. The idea of being immutably, completely, and irrevocably male is making me highly depressed.

Not intended to take space away from the women, but if any of you guys have found reasons to enjoy being a male again, it’d be great if you could share them.