how can I be sure if I am or am not a trans woman?
Okay... hello everyone, And I apologize for my English.
My thoughts on these topics started about 6-8 months ago. That is, I learned about the terms "sissy" and "trans" on the internet, tried wearing clothes associated with the opposite sex, hung out in online groups, etc. I experimented with things related to femininity, or rather, I tried to become more feminine. Besides that, I started to get interested in sexually explicit things, like sissy stuff, and I started to develop an attraction to men, etc.
Now, I'm an overly thoughtful and questioning person, so it's very difficult for me to adapt to something, feel like I belong somewhere, or be 100% sure about something (And I hate this trait of mine.)
I vaguely remember wearing skirts when I was little and being very happy, but I have no idea why I wore them. Then I remember my older sister constantly saying, "I wish you were a girl, I would buy you lots of things, we could go out together," and so on. I'm not someone who's accepted by the men around me either; I'm described as sweeter, so my masculinity is just my body. I'm not very successful in love with women either; been rejected twice, and lately I've started to develop feelings for men too. I don't know
Aside from that, I can say that I also conform to the things in those online transgender tests. Like, I hate my body hair, my broad shoulders, my voice, my weight, etc. My penis is below average, I don't know if I'd want a vagina, but I wish my own body had a smaller, tiny, cute penis. I know that if I live and grow old as a man, it will be a constant regret for me, so I accept those "would you press the button?" things.
On the other hand, I can say that I've also embraced masculine things in a shift, like politics, policy, organizational work, etc. Then, I only have male friends (unfortunately), and when I'm out with them, these thoughts generally leave my head. Then, things like "trans women aren't normal," "they have psychological problems," or just hearing things like "p*rn addiction" upsets me. The strangest part is, if a divine voice were to tell me that I'm not actually trans, I would be really upset.
Now, what I want to know is, when will this cycle end? When or how can I really be sure or decide, or what conclusion do you draw from what I've described?
thank you in advance. ❤️❤️