u/war_carnotaurus

In the cult they talk about how the books are “nectar” and the most amazing thing one could ever read like they are an absolute zenith of literature but like 90% of them are”the supreme lord can do this horrible and contradictory act because he is the supreme authority”
Or “you need to give everything you own to srila Prabhupad”, I remember when I was in the ashram dreading having to read these awful books, all of them the srimad Bhagavatam, Bhagavad Gita, etc the ones handed out on book distribution are ok but are just propaganda. Did anyone else find them extremely boring?

So I have a whole cabinet of basically untouched KC books (most mind numbing read ever no way I’m going to read 12 cantos of bullshit), and I don’t want to give them away because I don’t want to spread these rubbish beliefs but I feel bad destroying them, and I found a new hobby of making cool wooden models I want to fill my shelves with so they gotta go, any ideas?

I’m 20 mtf and 6.5 months hrt and my next appointment with the doctor to renew my script is in a week, but im still not out.. like to anyone except me and my hrt doctor. And the changes I feel are starting to become more obvious and I live with my family (mother, 27 year old brother, 6 year old sister) I feel I shouldn’t come out because I don’t want to be some big hulking man in a dress to embarrass my family wherever we go, and my sister shouldn’t be exposed to this in my opinion, my family supported me when I came out as gay but it’s treated like “he who shall not be named” and they refuse to acknowledge my sexuality like it’s embarrassing or something, where I live is fine (Queensland Australia) no strong conservative politics or anything but I’m realising I’m gonna have to come out probably soon, and I have literally zero friends or any therapist or support at all I have been raw dogging all of this for pretty much all my life.

So I used to be fat but now I’m just a little overweight and was was obese for a lot of my childhood etc you know how it goes, and one thing which always pmo is when people who have been thin there entire life or gained then lost a whopping 10kg or so as an adult give unsolicited weight loss advice constantly or comments. I’ll give some examples from my life, all from people who never struggled with there weight, I’m 20m for context:

“You could have a good body if you are less, why don’t you”

“Try swimming”

“You say you go to the gym but it doesn’t look like it”(I
was working out 6 hours a week on a bulk)

“YOUR VEGAN?!?!?!”

I don’t think people would really accept a man giving a woman advice for period cramps, or someone who never drank alcohol advice to an alcoholic, or someone who has never been mentally ill advice to someone with depression, but for some reason people who have never struggled with being overweight can say all they like.

I’m panicking right now and really don’t know what to do, I’m 20mtf and started hrt 6 months ago, and am just now realising I’m not actually trans, and was instead suffering from extreme internalised homophobia, internalised misandry, body dysmorphia, and shame around my femininity.

To start off with something I’m panicking about and feel a deep sense of loss over is the fact I never truly got to be gay before hormones, I only had one sexual experience with a man before hormones I loved but it was in a public bathroom and he called me a faggot and threatened to kill me if told anyone, it sucks because my whole family supports me being gay and my country is good to be gay in, but from as soon as I hit puberty I and discovered I was gay I hated it. I would cry and loathe myself thinking I was biologically inferior because I can’t have heterosexual sex or desire women like a “real man” and tried to make myself straight repeatedly, and obviously failed every time. I’m terrified I’ll never be able to experience satisfying sex with a man with functional male genitalia and a strong libido like I had before.

Secondly I hated my maleness and being associated with men as I grew up, as I never had any positive male influence. My dad left me when I was born and the few times he visited he would beat my mum really badly, and all my bullies at school who would call me faggot and throw stuff at me and even beat me a few times were always boys, but girls were always nicer to me and I got along with them well, so I developed an idea that men were evil and inherently bad and never want to be like them, this made puberty extra distressing as I matured quite early and intensely, as I was a broad man by 15 and hated looking like a “violent rape monster” as I wrongfully thought at the time.

I also generally hated my body also as I was a fat child and was bullied for it, and the aforementioned affect of my strong puberty, I never looked “twinkish” or youthful which is expected of young guys in gay spaces, and especially for feminine presenting men like femboys etc so I thought I could never be a femboy or feminine gay man simply because of my body so I thought transition was my only option to be feminine and accepted by choosing a trans identity.

And despite hating men at the time I was deeply embarrassed and ashamed of my seemingly Innate femininity, I was never a flaming pre homosexual but I was a softer more emotional child I had lots of female friends but many male friends too, and would always cry seeing animals get hurt, would crossdress when I thought no one was looking etc but never thought of myself as female, at best I thought of myself as a trans woman not a real woman, and never wanted bottom surgery in any form, I dreamed of just being a passable enough trans woman so I could be feminine and do stuff I want to do without being embarrassed and ashamed of it, and because I hated being gay and knew it wouldn’t ever change I also saw hrt as a kind of chemical castration to end my attraction to men (it didn’t at all) I also crossdressed in secret as a teenager simply because I liked feeling pretty and attractive but was ashamed of this too, people would sometimes point out my feminine behaviour and shame me for it too.

But it’s really hitting hard now. The reality is I can be a feminine man just as I am and not a lifelong medical patient, I never even socially transitioned because I’m terrified of displaying femininity openly and I kinda miss my pre hrt self I was actually kinda hot tbh even if I looked a bit older, because unlike many mtfs my hrt changes were super fast I already have a solid a cup at only 6 months and my fat is going to my hips and thighs etc, and I think I might stop the hormones and try to go back, any advice would help thanks!

So I love making garden based builds with lots of colours and flowers involved and I tried another add on called “gardening” which was amazing but had a single game ruining issue: a mob called the mole is in the addon that leaves coarse dirt everywhere and makes my world look a madmax wasteland, and other animal spawn rates to to near zero for some reason, and I’m just looking for a pack that adds more flowers that look vanilla and not super detailed models thanks!

I traveled 8 thousand blocks to a woodland mansion and found that it had not a single, not ONE loot chest AT ALL. Is this uncommon? It was really disappointing.

It’s my favourite thing in the world right now. I’m vegan and cook lots of curry so I have lots of cans in my cupboard, and sometimes I’ll put a can in the fridge until it thickens, then I eat the entire thing with a spoon in one go. I just needed to get this out there.

So I’m 20mtf and have been on hrt for nearly 6months now, and the reality is dawning on me that ill almost certainly never pass because of an excessively strong male puberty (I looked like a 30 year old man at 16 ffs) and I had a testosterone level of 38 when I got my first blood test done for hrt, I look so much older than my age to the point that when I tried to date guys on Grindr my age they thought I was a predator pretending to be 19, so I pretty much had the same starting point as a 35 year old at 19 when I started, so to say the least my situation is not good, and the reality is that in order to socially transition you need to actually be seen as female by others around you, otherwise they are just humouring you pretty much, that’s the real reality, and I don’t want to be a embarrassment to my family by being a hulking man in a dress(and seeing myself in women’s clothes makes me wanna kms), and facing ridicule wherever I go, I just can’t take that, I’m not mentally strong enough, and even if I do by some miracle and a small fortune of surgery I pass I will be worried and scared for my entire life that people are clocking me, etc I don’t want answers like “you will pass believe in urself” or “dont give up” etc I want to know how I can be truly happy and fulfilled while presenting male indefinitely if not forever. Please I really need to come to peace that what I truly want is impossible to me for factors that are not my fault, thankyou.

This perturbs almost daily, why does he actually look like he does? It’s hard to explain but he just looks disabled and insane no matter the angle, haircut etc you just instantly know to not interact with him based on his appearance, like a Carolina reaper or deep sea fish, but like he doesn’t have any actual conditions that cause facial abnormalities or anything there are schizophrenic autistic adhders who look fairly normal I’m completely perplexed. Please explain.

I have noticed this a lot where straight trans women are less likely to be really adamant about “trans women are women” and are more likely to be fine with being trans rather than cis and some but not all seem to not want bottom surgery as much, this is pretty much my experience as a straight trans woman, I don’t really care about being a “real woman” and recognise myself as just a trans woman and most trans women(or I am not lady I am ladyboy to put it crudely) who are adamant about being women are usually agp or autistic in my experience (nothing wrong with that), I’m just really curious to know why this is, could there be some different psychological factor?! Thanks!

Basically the title, I’m not religious at all but I was talking with a Portuguese coworker about what Portugal is like and the conversation came to religion, and she was very adamant Portugal is catholic and not Christian, this is confusing to me because I thought Catholicism was like a branch of Christianity like Protestantism or orthodoxy etc? Can someone please explain this.

I remember being very confused when I was young and would hear advice like “never put a q tip in your ear” etc, I have normal hygiene habits otherwise, the only earwax I get out of my ears is what I can clean off from a surface level on the outer ear, I have never put anything in my actual ear canal, and it confuses me why anyone does this bizarre behaviour, before anyone asks no I’m not Asian, I am white and produce wet earwax.
Edit: wow I’m genuinely amazed that ear cleaning is a big thing some people do all the time, I might just not produce much wax, even though I often wear sweaty headphones when working out etc with zero issues I still hear in 4K 1080p