r/askAGP

I am Agamp but mostly avoiding agp part and getting satisfaction from gamp and recently I had a chance to date and become close with a trans women but there was a problem. After sometime she told me she is not a bottom and it was bad news for me because I am also not a bottom and I was dreaming to have some intercourse. We decided not to make it a big deal and stick with things we can do outside of intercourse yet I kept asking if she is certain about not being a bottom. We talked about it few more times and she was certain about what she wants and I decided not to continue because I was not feeling satisfied in the end. After few weeks I'm finding myself fantasizing about her changing her preference because of me, my irresistible masculinity and surrendering herself to my will and being my woman and exploring her womanhood in my arms. I know this is not what she wants but I think " making someone love something what they actually don't, changing someone at the opposite direction" is very appealing to me. I feel this is one of the underlying thoughts in my agp experience.

When I do some brainstorm and put things in new sentences: "someone transforming into something opposite and loving it, someone trying something which contradicts themself but they discover true meaning in it". While I'm writing this I start to recognize some patterns at my life choices which creeps me out but I will think about it later.

Please tell me if any of this rings a bell for you or don't.

Mathilda Hogberg is one of my transition goals (if I do end up transitioning). She’s so passable and beautiful. She gives off genuine female vibes. But, in an insta reel I saw her razer gaming laptop with a thick ass steam library. I said in another comment that so many trans women are into the trifecta of gaming, anime, and porn.

I rarely meet women with gaming laptops even though they obviously exist. And there ain’t nothin wrong with gaming, but it’s such a clash of aesthetics to see someone living such a stereotypical feminine coded soft girl life and then see a black brick with steam opened up. Lettuce b real here.

So many of us think that HSTS are the epitome of femininity but it’s not true. if James Charles transitioned he’d be super passable. Yet this mf used to have a gaming channel believe it or not.

yunablove is another HSTS transition goal of mine. She had a weird autistic fixation on AI. But she’s so pretty and feminine.

The lesson here is that AGP and HSTS both show signs of weird autistic male behavior. AGP much more so and it’s much more evident. So don’t feel bad, we’ll never be women. That’s the truth. AGP and HSTS are male at the end of the day. Some are just filled with more estrogen and have had more surgeries than others.

I’m still very confused about what direction I’ll take tbh. On one hand I wanna join the autistic legion of AGP and HSTS trans women. Being 5 ft 3 and Asian would help me pass. On the other hand, Id rather just live a normal life without thinking of any of this shit. but the point is, there will be parts of every HSTS and AGP that don’t pass

After reading about agp I’m quite certain my cross dressing husband is agp. It’s much more fitting than the gender identity/affirmation narrative.

But if agp is a sexual orientation, how can that orientation ever align with the sexuality of a heterosexual female?

My husband wouldn’t know what agp is. He doesn’t seem to try to understand himself. As for transitioning he assures me “he made that choice” (not to transition) so he sticks by this, but I can yell at times he might regret it or wish he could. We have young children, I know he wants to be their dad. I think he must believe he is a suppressed trans and loves his life according to that mindset (depressed, low self worth).

There’s so much lying and shitty behaviors arising from his crossdressing. I have so much bitterness. I’ve tried to create a happy medium with boundaries and giving space for him to cd (without my involvement). But I’m starting to come to an understanding that his fantasies are stronger than any moral obligation he may feel towards me. I just don’t matter. Of course he feels bad and ashamed that I keep getting hurt, but the fantasy and compulsion is stronger. I just don’t matter in that world.

Suppose my question is, anyone had success managing the situation with a partner who does not share this “orientation”?

I’ve been on “crossdressers wives” but it’s just kind of hopeless and lacking detailed, nuanced insight.

I’m not supportive of any level of transition or “affirmation” like hrt within our relationship. I’ve made it clear that would end the relationship. My reasons are both selfish and for him. The reasons are:

- why should I forgo my own heterosexuality? He once said he identified as a “transbian” and I found myself extremely offended because it completely disregards my sexuality
- even the idea of him taking estrogen is really unattractive; he says it “doesn’t always” affect libido; im very aware of my own hormone cycle and believe that estrogen and testosterone complement each other to create sexual chemistry (this is my own belief not based on anything scientific; it’s something that I feel)
- apart from the above self centered reasons, I actually don’t think it’d be right for him because his lifestyle and identity would then revolve around “being trans”, obsessing about looks, attention seeking, validation etc.
-None of his fantasy identity actually fits with his real life situation and lifestyle

I’ve never allowed this “side” of him in our sex life and I’m torn whether that’s a good idea or not. Maybe it’s the missing piece for him, or maybe it’ll just fuel unhealthy escalation, and make me simply a prop in his fantasy

I should add, we currently have a good sex life based in conventional roles, although be likely feels he’s missing something. He also has adhd and general mental health issues, probably due to all this

Any insights welcome.

I have always had a secret fascination with alt fashion, whether that's goth or emo or anything else that isn't "normal". Outwardly, as someone who still lives mostly in boy mode, I wear pretty much the most boring, risk-averse men's attire imaginable. Hoodies, jeans, that kind of thing. People I know have joked about this before and make a big deal whenever I wear something that isn't this.

Part of this is related to just not having any feelings toward men's clothing and also having learned to avoid suspicion that I might ever want to wear something different, like women's clothes. I generally like women's fashion, including non-alt stuff that just looks nice. But, for whatever reason, the out-of-the-ordinary stuff is just more fun to me (no, not in the euphoria boner way, guys. I don't actually get those).

Part of me thinks it might be related to just wanting to embrace that I'm not normal. It kind of just rips the bandaid off if you say, "Yeah, I'm weird in multiple ways". Or possibly it's a stepping stone for accepting the fundamental reason why I am weird, which is AGP and dysphoria.

Beyond that, I just like the way it looks. I find androgyny to be attractive and a lot alt stuff blurs the lines between gender, as it is, so there's also that.

Anyways, does anyone else have similar feelings?

Hi everyone. This is my first time sharing my full story here, and it's a bit unconventional compared to what you usually read.
The Beginning
Ever since I was a child, I had an intense fetish for feminization. I would wear my mom's clothes, her heels, anything feminine I could find. As I got older, I would book motel rooms just to dress up completely as a woman in private. But here's the thing — I was just a regular guy. I had a girlfriend. I wasn't attracted to men. I didn't feel "trapped in the wrong body" in the traditional sense. I just had this burning fantasy that I couldn't shake. I knew I couldn't die without knowing what it actually felt like to be a woman.
The Decision
Three years ago, I made the biggest decision of my life. I started HRT, grew out my hair, and committed to two major surgeries: facial feminization and body contouring. I went all-in from day one because I was terrified I'd regret it halfway through, and I figured if I was going to do this, I needed to go hard.
For the first year, I kept living as a man while the hormones did their work. I watched my body change while maintaining my normal life. It was surreal. After my surgeries, I'll be honest — there was some regret. I thought, "What have I done?" But I knew there was no going back, so I forced myself to push forward.
The Mental Shift
I had spent years watching forced feminization content, and I found a therapist who understood my goals. We worked together on mental exercises to literally break down my old self. I wanted to rebuild myself as the woman I had fantasized about for decades.
And it worked. Today, I have become my own fetish. I see myself as sexy, feminine, and desirable every single day. I wear very high heels (it took time to learn, but now they're part of my daily life), dress provocatively, and keep long nails. Sometimes I think I might overdo it, but this is for me and my own fantasy fulfillment.
The Hard Part: Sexuality
The most difficult transformation was my sexuality. I used to be into women exclusively. But through intensive mental reconditioning and training, I completely shifted my attraction. Now I'm exclusively into men. I have no interest in bottom surgery (SRS) — keeping my penis reminds me where I came from, and honestly, it forces me into anal sex, which I now view as the ultimate form of submission.
Where I Am Now
Are there dark days? Absolutely. Are things complicated? Yes. But overall, I'm doing well. When I look in the mirror now, I see what I always fantasized about. I pass as a biological woman most of the time, though I definitely attract attention because of how I dress — think very sexy outfits, sky-high heels, dramatic nails. Some might say it's too much, but this is my journey and my fantasy made real.
I'm open to answering any questions you might have. I know my path isn't the typical narrative, but it's mine, and I'm living it unapologetically.

I've been a part of the trans community because I've considered transitioning in the past. From my observation so far, 85% of the people I've seen have a sexual factor embedded in their transitioning. Most won't admit that they get sexually excited from being a woman, and others would get on hoops explaining that that sexual attraction is equal to how women are obsessed with themselves (or so it was claimed).

The "pure" transwomen are almost always never a part of the online trans community. They don't wear chokers, implicitly fetishize womanhood, or aren't hypersexuals like most members in the trans community are (they really are pornrotted). They genuinely have a feminine soul and didn't transition out of a sexual interest. But this is just my observation.

Not a day goes by where I don't want my genitalia to change. This obsession is really consuming me and destroying my life. I am at my wits end. I would love to transition for sexual gratification, but I know I will probably never pass and hence I will ruin the chance of having a successful career. I am 21 years old. Does anyone have any advice to offer?

https://www.reddit.com/r/RelentlessMen/comments/1thk73h/rob\_kenney\_grew\_up\_without\_a\_father\_and\_later\_in/

When watching his youtubes, what did you never see your father doing?

When I see a beautiful woman, especially one that looks like how I imagine I would look like as a girl, it feels like getting kicked in the teeth. It's not even really a sexual feeling. Like I never really feel the desire to touch or grope or fuck really. I at least imagine most normal men experience sexuality that way. I experience sexuality more like just a deep, obsessive aesthetic admiration. I guess I can kind of force myself to think proper heterosexual thoughts but I have to force it, and it's not particularly natural. It's more I will be sitting and just thinking about how perfect she is. About how her appearance naturally makes me like her and perceive her differently. I focus a lot on face and hair. I think a lot about clothing too. I'm at a conference right now and my clothing experience is just "will I wear a brown, gray, or black suit today?" but even in professional settings women have so much freedom to wear vibrant colors and designs. Really it's so hard for me to explain but something within me sees womanhood and just obsesses over how glorious womanhood is. Like being a womanhood isn't just easier or being more beautiful, but it's like a completely different mode of existence that's more elevated than manhood. It's like comparing a color TV to black and white.

And when I think about even dating a woman like that. I can twist the thought around to make it seem appealing I guess. Not as much as being a woman but somewhat appealing. But I'm not what a woman I want (which is a broad range even) would want. I don't know how to be attractive to women. I have never been attractive to women. And when I try to think through whether I could ever be happy as a man I know I need to be attractive to women to even have a chance at it. But when I think about how people talk about becoming attractive as a man, it's usually developing a lot of stuff that, at best I don't really care about and at worst I actually think would involve mutilating something pure and valuable within myself. And I know that's just the autogynephilia speaking. But I like being a silly, innocent, affectionate, kind of shy person. I like not being stoic, or particularly assertive. I like being self-deprecating and open with my emotions. Even if it hurts my social positioning. I don't really value any of the traits that people push on men as virtues. It would be more accurate to say I don't see the value in being the type of man that gets valued.

Like when I compare the emotional experience of being a woman to being a man, how am I supposed to be happy with the latter?

How am I supposed to get past those feelings and appreciate being a man? Like what in being a man could possibly compete with those feelings? And if the answer is "Nothing." then is it possible to be truly happy being a man?

I've noticed that in my relationships I still like being the top, provider, protector, emotional rock, physical laborer, etc.

As an AGAMP (perhaps a low spectrum at that), the thought of trying to be a literal woman is repulsive. For me feminization feels like a powerful form of self-expression. Pete Burns comes to mind as the closest example I can think of currently.

I sometimes wonder what part of this is who I really am vs. who I was socialized to be. Do I see myself as male (and I always have) because that's who I am or who I was taught to be?

I can't imagine being any other way, but my obsessiveness demands I ruminate on the subject.

Has anyone else here had similar thoughts regarding a crossover between AGP and a masculine identity?

Edit: I should mention that I've been at this for like 4 years and my desires have changed little.

This is Elva, who used to post here, and this is what she looks like now (her face is completely messed up; she injected silicone into her testicles).

On one hand I worry that making myself more masculine on purpose could make dysphoria worse as I already find myself needing to shave my face and chest lest I go completely nuts.

On the other hand when I was less overweight in the past and looked better not only was I more confident in general but was the least obsessed with the thoughts I have been since hitting puberty.

I rarely go outside because I hate the way I look so much and I don't bother buying cloths that fit/look right either. I got really fat a couple years ago because my job was stressing me out and I had other personal issues going on at the same time, so I over ate habitually.

Is losing weight, getting nice cloths, etc to look good as a man a possible way to combat AGP? I know a lot of my desire to be a woman comes from not liking being ugly and wanting people to like me, which isn't hard for women since there are almost no ugly women meanwhile nearly all men are ugly.

I already posted about a month or so about how my autogynephilia was waning and really lost it intensity here: https://www.reddit.com/r/askAGP/s/Pgns3sPgBC .

And now something happened that I am not feeling it at all!

I posted some pics of myself as a regular guy on Reddit just for strangers to tell me if I looked good for my age (38yrs). Pure validation seeking.

Anyway… some person came to me on the DM and privately told me I was hot. I said “well… I really appreciate it but I am married. I can’t engage with you much further! Sorry”

🟡(This is a long story. Skip to the end of it. It’s just me falling for some random girl I met online) 🟡

The girl (if it was a girl indeed) was insistent. She talked about herself saying she was 26, in a sexually boring relationship. And she said she saw me and found me really hot (I am not that good looking by the way.).

This is my weak spot! I really want to be loved and cherished. My wife loves me but she doesn’t validate me the way I would like to be validated. This stranger here on Reddit said some sweet words… saying that she would love to feel hugged my me… that kissing me would feel heavenly.

Ohhh gosh 😥! I tried to negotiate a friendship. I said: “can we please just be friends? You seem like a sweet person, I would love to be friends with you. But I really don’t want to cheat on my wife.”

She continued “it’s just Reddit. No one needs to know our little secret! Please send me a pic of you right now!” I wanted to keep the ‘validation tap’ running. So I gave her. Not a dick pic, just a boring casual picture. She said how cute I was. She insisted on a full body pic. I gave her a picture of me shirtless in shorts. She said she loved my body and how heavenly it would be to feel my hugs.

Then she sent me a mirror selfie of her.

She was a 7/10! Exactly my type when I was in high school. She was about 5’7” (1,70m), blond, a shapely body (not too curvy) and her face was average: but I liked it exactly that way.

I couldn’t help it. I told her how beautiful she was and if I were single she would be the woman of my dreams. But I still said “I am married. I made a vow never to cheat. I can’t proceed much further”.

She asked me for a picture of me in underwear. I said I couldn’t. She asked me for pictures of my feet. 😳! I was like “my feet? Ok!” I gave her! She said she liked them. Maybe she is a foot fetishist. Then She asked if I would like a picture of her in panties. Ohhhh I was tempted 😵‍💫! But I said. “Honey, It’s really not necessary. I gave you a foot pic; so why not give me pictures of your feet. They must be cute and feminine”. She gave me a foot pic. They were pretty with toes painted in discreet pink.

I noticed I was going too far… and tried to tone down the conversation talking about music. Eventually she stopped talking. I said “yep! Ghosted! It’s what I expected! 😓”. 30 min later she said “no… it’s just that I got plans for tonight!” And we stopped typing.

—————————————————-

Anyway… this girl messed with my feelings and reminded me of my high school self when I would fall in love with girls exactly her type.

Now AGP fantasies where I imagine myself as a hot girl just don’t have a grip on me. All I wish is to experience this vivid romantic feeling that this stranger has awakened in me. A very youthful heterosexual feeling.

Unfortunately I never felt this for my wife 😥. Life is complicated. People rarely marry who they love. They marry mostly for stability. (My case).

Now… I pray to god to forgive me for this semi-infidelity I had. And pray to God that one day I will feel the same feeling for my wife.

My fiance is an AGP. I've known this basically since we've met and I've been okay with it (and not just okay. I love who he is). I've had forced-feminization fantasies and so meeting my partner was this amazing combination of somebody I felt sexually, romantically, and platonically compatible with.

I realized quickly that he is (was?) a selfish lover. Every sexual encounter redirected to his fantasies and desires while I was left largely untouched. But, we had sex on a near weekly basis & I enjoy giving; he also insisted that he was deeply attracted to me and always wanted somebody like me to do these things with.

In time, all sexual things have dropped off. At first I told him how it affected me to be untouched. I felt like I spent more time feminizing him for sex than I did feminizing myself so that I could be a presentable woman in society. He realized this as well and so backed off. I tried to tell him and show him how to please me... And he shuts down with any conversation about sex. "Thank you for telling me," he says. Or, "I'm sorry I cause you so much distress." But I rarely get insight into what's actually going on. It's like he realized his fantasies hurt me somewhat, and in shame, he's gone totally cold to sex and romance.

Now we are careening toward a dead bedroom. I am left reeling and wondering so many things: is he attracted to men, and not women? What have I done wrong? Was he ever attracted to me? Is he no longer attracted to me bcs we've been together for years, and I'm "old hat"? Have I not "upped the ante" enough? I would still be with him even if he was transgender; we've even tried hormones before.

My partner is an absolutely wonderful partner to me and I wouldn't dream of leaving him. He is my best friend and I am "in it to win it" with him. He cares for me deeply and strives to show me this on a daily basis. I have a safe place in his heart... But this attraction issue has really had me in knots.

I'm posting here bcs, well, I'm sure many of you reading will understand the stigma. I'd like to understand a sampling of mindsets regarding romance and attraction when one is an AGP. How can you reconcile being attracted to yourself AND another person? Is there space for another person to fit in there? Is a romantic partnership with another person even a "thing" when you're fulfilled by yourself? Are you fulfilled by yourself? Is it possible to have a paraphilia and a low sex drive?

Thank you for any insight.

I do not want to become permanently infertile, although temporarily being so would be fine, and I also don't want to go on feminizing hormones because I do not want to transition.

I have heard of many people essentially curing their AGP by going on HRT which seems to be due to them killing off their male libido. This would be great for me except I don't want to transition. I also know just nuking your testosterone levels without introducing female hormones is extremely dangerous to your health so I don't think that is an option.

Does anyone know of any alternative way of going about doing this?

Hi guys, I am planning to completely stop porn forever. Along with that, I am also planning to temporarily or permanently uninstall the Reddit app to avoid interactions and things that escalate my AGP fantasies.

As someone with AGP, I know that, for managing it without repression, I may need to cross dress and engage in some kind of feminine behavior. And I will do that because, from my previous experiences, I know it is needed. I have repressed myself many times before, and it all came back stronger than ever.

However, I genuinely believe that porn is not necessary and is not something that needs to be supported or taken into consideration as part of AGP. It is an external thing. I started cross dressing way before porn and even before I got my own mobile phone. So, I believe cross dressing is fine for me, but porn and NSFW content are things I need to stop because I have a dream of getting married, having a family, and having kids.

What do you guys think about this?

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Hi folks
I'm a south asian AGP. A lot of my fantasies involve traditional indian clothing and roles, even after immigrating to a western country. I'll probably never go back, but the effect of this longing from my childhood has stuck with me.
I'm curious what forms this takes across different cultures.

So I’m at the point where I feel like carrying this second life is burdening me, and I feel like to reach the next level of my life I have to get rid of it. This however, is obviously a little easier said than done because cutting off an entire part of my personality is little heartbreaking but I feel like it’s what I have to do. Am I setting myself up for a midlife crisis in 30 years? and what else should I know before going through with this?

One of the key reasons I started HRT, other than the desire to develop more biologically feminine secondary sexual characteristics, was that I wanted my sexuality to be attenuated. Male sexuality has always been overwhelming to me, and I find that some of the only times I felt normal and happy were relatively asexual (as in: having literally no sexual interests or drive) parts of my life.

Since starting HRT, I have enjoyed the way my interest in sexually related topics has declined. It's not that things have stopped working altogether and more so that I'm just not as interested or thinking as regularly about these topics. Sometimes, someone online will make a sexual remark and I'll honestly just think, "gross", including fetish-y topics I used to have some vague interest in. For whatever reason, this change in interest is unexpectedly very relieving to me. I don't think I'd want to go back to the way I felt before and I hope this change only increases as my HRT dose increases. It feels like my brain and my sex drive and whatever you'd call a soul are becoming more aligned, which is great. I'm not saying I'm a woman trapped in a man's body or any of that...it's more so that this hormone regime just works way better with who I am.

I also am now able to find people attractive without automatically having sexual thoughts pop into my head. It's honestly amazing and I love it. Distracting AGP is reduced while warm and fuzzy feelings/butterflies in stomach toward others has grown. I feel happier knowing AGP isn't casting its big shadow on my psyche anymore.

Sometimes I doubt this change has happened...but yes, every time I look at AGP content, it's just not very appealing. A little. Maybe? But definitely not enough to binge on and waste so much time on as before. I get bored quick and seek dopamine elsewhere.

Anyway, I'm realizing that part of the problem is just having a male sexuality and sex drive. I have had dysphoria on top of that. But HRT is a life-saver almost equally in the second sense of making my relationship with sexual things much easier on my psyche.