Should I just give up on being a man?
I'm 34M and I haven't built anything in my life up to this point. I lived locked in my room under my parents for a really long time. I didn't go to college I only graduated hihg school and throughout my life all I've been doing in my 20s was to drink my sorrows, anxieties, depression and resentments away.
I couldn't even crossdress living with parents. Something which I enjoyed doing since I was a kid
But now since I moved to another country my life looks different and considering my whole life so far I feel like I've just come out from my parents shell.
And then I spent the last two years working in a trans bar as a hostess. Great thing about it was dressing up and being a woman. Bad thing about it was the constant drinking. It made me worry about my health continously.
I decided to stop working at it because I was worrying about my health and I was planning to study copywriting/marketing. But I havent made any progress in it for the last 4 years I've been thinking about doing it.
But now I feel like I should just give up on that career because they suggested me that if I haven't done anything to progress in that career then I should just give up on it.
But I have absolutely no idea about what do I wish to do as a career. And the only things that I can do now to gain money is hard labor jobs as a guy. But I could continue to work in transgender bars or as an TG escort
But im too skinny to do hard labor jobs. I'm way skinnier than the average healthy looking dude in my age. (I'm 164cm/50Kg) And I worry that i will not age gracefully being a dude with the current physique.
If I get to transition than at least it can help me boost my confidence because I look very good as a female.
I don't know what to do with my life and that's killing me with anxiety.