u/Sweet_Sound_4875

Maybe I’m being shallow, but I feel so alienated by the trans community for aesthetic reasons (in addition to the obvious political/ideological ones).

I hate the hyper-online lingo (“deadname” and “egg” etc) creeping into real life. I hate the violent rhetoric and imagery. I hate the expectation to be very comfortable hearing about strangers’ kinks. I hate that every trans woman I meet assumes they can talk to me about Pokemon and that I’ll understand them (I never do). I hate it and I hate being associated with it.

It’s not just online. I’ve seen this culture pop up time and again, in different social circles and in different cities. Over the course of years. In real life.

It’s not as though there was a rich and vibrant trans culture before this current era, but it is so unhealthy and off-putting now.

I hope this is OK to post here. I honestly don’t know where else I could vent about this. I can’t talk to my cis friends about it, because it makes them uncomfortable and they tell me this weird stuff is only online and not in real life. I can’t talk about this in trans spaces because I don’t know how to describe this feeling in terms of pokemon and bdsm. So, I’m posting here.

I’m kind of at a loss here because I (1) transitioned in my early 20s, (2) detransitioned after like 8 years, and (3) retransitioning after another 5, this time with way more resources so I got FFS etc.

And now that I’m older, I’m running into some very real roadblocks. Most importantly, I’m finding that tucking hurts now. It hurts *a lot* whether or not I use tape or a gaffe. I‘m getting frequent numbness and tingling/pins-and-needles that I didn’t get when I was younger.

And so I’m really at a loss because whenever I search for info on tucking, it tells me that you really shouldn’t do it for more than 4-8 hours. So does this mean I’m not supposed to leave my house for long stretches of time? Does it mean that, after a certain number of years into MTF transition, you basically just need to get SRS? This all seems so restrictive and impossible

Does anyone have experience handling detransition in a corporate workplace?

For context, I really like my coworkers and management. They're decent people, but I’m worried about the reaction I might get as an MTFTM detransitioner. It’s kind of awkward and it can be interpreted in politically loaded ways, regardless of my intent.

On the other hand, I worry that if I have to find a new job (due to layoffs, for example), it will be really hard to do so as a trans woman in the current climate. So, it seems like a good idea to rip the bandaid off now.

I realize I‘m lucky to have a good job right now, so I really don’t want to throw it away. That said, I‘m eager to have my breast implants removed and change my name back and try to piece together some semblance of a normal life.

There is no button. So, it doesn’t really matter if you would press it.

E.g., if I could press a button to magically transport me to Paris to get a croissant every morning, I would 100% do it. Does that mean I should fly to Paris and back every day just for breakfast, even though it will make the rest of my life miserable, lose me my job and all of my relationships, and cause me to go broke?