Every time I start having sex with my boyfriend (and sometimes even with kissing) I suddenly feel a big wave of panic. It comes on very quickly and I feel lightheaded very anxious and like I might faint.
Shortly after that I feel like I’m not fully present and I can’t remember what happened afterwards. My boyfriend says I seem totally normal at the time like I’m talking and responding fine and he doesn’t notice anything is wrong. But I can’t remember anything. I feel like I zone back in a while after we’re done
My boyfriends a bit rough and fast like he holds me really tightly and stuff but this is complately consensual
This only happens in sexual/romantic physical situations. I don’t experience this kind of memory loss in other context
I don’t have any other symptoms just not remembering anything. I also feel really sore and tired afterwards and sometimes bruising. Also buzzing feeling in my head
I don’t have any sexual trauma.
I searched on this subreddit for similar experiences but I can’t find anything specifically linked to what im experiencing. whats happening with me?
also throwaway