Sharing something I'm working on to help ease the road after TFMR
Hi everyone,
I went through a devastating TFMR at 22 weeks just last month, and this sub has meant a lot to me ever since. I've gained so much perspective and comfort from reading your stories and felt much less alone ❤️
One of the most difficult aspects of the experience is how it has reshaped my perception of the future. My husband and I lost a future we deeply wanted. And now that we know the worst possible thing can happen, we'll carry that fear and grief into the rest of our lives… even (or especially) once we try to conceive again.
The pregnancy industry certainly doesn't make it easier to hold these complex emotions. I have spent the last month wishing I could shut it all the hell up: the cheerful emails from my registry website, the tone-deaf notifications from my pregnancy tracker, the Instagram feed filled with influencers and their baby bumps.
I haven't been working over the past few weeks and needed something to do with my brain besides playing 70 hours of Doodle Jump. I ended up creating a website to help me navigate my own grief, and I wonder if it will help others, too. I'm calling it Ember because we all get up every day and continue to hope, which takes so much strength.
What is it?
Ember is a private space for people who've been through TFMR or other kinds of pregnancy loss, whether they're still processing, trying to conceive again, or pregnant again. The goal isn't to move you toward any particular feeling or outcome; it's to make sure that wherever you are today, you're not carrying your burden alone.
- If the loss is still raw (like it is for me), Ember offers journal prompts shaped by your specific story, and tools to support hard conversations that you might be putting off.
- If you're trying to conceive, it adds gentle ways to track the details you shouldn't have to hold in your head.
- And if you are pregnant, it recognises that hope and fear don't take turns, helping you process tricky milestones and share the complicated news on your terms.
If it sounds useful, I'd be so honoured to have some of you try it. Link is here: the data is kept totally private, and you can choose an anonymous username so there's no identifying info at all. It's very early days (I'm literally the only person using it right now haha), and works best on your phone.
I'm of course very open to feedback about what resonates/feels supportive and what might be missing or unhelpful.
Sending so much love to such an incredible community.