Religious Trauma And Ambition
I feel a bit silly asking complete strangers for help about this, but my support system can't really understand where I'm coming from, and this seemed like the subreddit to ask.
So I was born into a christian church that, while they weren't technically doing anything that would put somebody in jail, still pushed the whole, "body of christ, part of the body working to benefit the whole, blah blah personal dreams are selfish blah blah don't be ambitious if you do then you're not a good christian shame on you blah blah blah." And of course I assumed it would be sinful of me to believe otherwise, so, as a kid, I kind of squashed my then-blossoming dreams of writing/doing something with my love of fantasy stories.
It's been years since starting my deconstruction journey. I'm in a better place now- both physically and mentally -but that thing about having ambition is a bit... sticky.
So I'm wondering- does anybody have any experience with this kind of thing? Does anybody know how to build enough self-esteem to... you know, want big life ambitions without feeling stupid or selfish? Because, in all honesty, I'm more than a bit lost.