Recently my wife spoke to me about wanting an open relationship for a "short-term" period to experience some new things and "break the wheel" of our current relationship dynamic. Things have been pretty difficult between us for a while. I have communication issues which I'm working on and have been seeing a counselor for a couple of months now. Initially I was against it, telling her I needed exclusivity to feel safe. She said she couldn't see a way forward for us without it (I feel I need to clarify this as I may have misrepresented what she said here. She meant that she couldn't see a way forward without it to break this cycle we're in within the relationship. Before I agreed to opening the relationship, she said she was unsure what she was going to do with regards to ending the relationship or not). Reluctantly, I agreed because I didn't want my fear to be stronger than my love for her and, ultimately, I didn't want to lose her.
Since then she has begun exploring certain spaces. We have spoken about a lot of things regarding keeping our family and our relationship safe but I feel anything but that. I am really struggling with it. She said that by doing this is would help our relationship, but it feels like it's made things worse. I was insecure about the relationship beforehand but now I feel like I'm drowning in jealousy, fear, shame and loss. I feel so worthless and alone. Other than my counselor and my wife I have no-one else to talk to.
I guess I should add that my wife is Asexual (sex-positive) and I am heterosexual. She says she sees this as a way of gaining knowledge and the people as "tools" for that purpose. She says she has no interest in another emotional relationship beyond ours, but I struggle to see it from any other point of view than a romantic one. She tells me one thing but it's conflicting with my own way of seeing things.
I'd like to know if anyone else has had - or is having - a similar experience? How did you get through it? Did you get through it? Can it work?