AITAH for putting my foot down?
I, 26 M, am having a great internal conflict right now. Over a year and a half ago, I was living in a state, making $75k a year doing marketing at a job I hated because of the toxic work culture and very disorganized and emotionally immature boss in California. My family had started up a restaurant in the smaller local town they moved to in Louisiana. My stepfather has been in the restaurant industry for 20 years and has a passion for hospitality and had always dreamed of opening his own locations. My younger sister, who has aspirations to be a Michelin rated chef, took over the executive chef position.
A few months into the restaurant being open, I had the window of opportunity to purchase a beautiful house very close to my family for a great deal and they asked me to help with marketing. This however, required me and my parter of four years to transition to long distance as he owns his own business in California. (We’re doing great thankfully). I took the leap and had a pretty tricky adjustment as I found myself waiting tables again and working heavily at the restaurant. I had also been in the restaurant industry faithfully for 8 years prior but left because I HATE the hospitality and food service industry. I decided to embrace the experience and see what I can learn from this challenge and slowly started to wrap my head around being back in the industry. This is where things change drastically.
With investor money and a large desire to prove himself, my stepdad proceeded to purchase 2 more buildings that house 2 separate businesses each that are in the service and hospitality industry. Bringing us up to a total of 5 prospective businesses in 1.5 years. This is when, while being expected to essentially manage the restaurant, I also became responsible for the brand development/creation, procedure creation, staffing, advertising, marketing, and structure creation for these businesses. I have come to find that my stepdad who is essentially the founder and CEO has agreed to great work ethic and is constantly on the go but he is EXTREMELY disorganized. I constantly have to pick up after him or clean up loose ends or answer emails he opens and forgets to get to. He’s lazy with the financials, the reporting, and just very bad at keeping things organized. He doesn’t create any structure or lay any solid foundation and is constantly flipping between projects. He is constantly too busy so he forgets to communicate things or is short on patience from stress. Additionally, when he opens a business, he has a tendency to move on to the next one and kind of not really be as present in the initial ones.
I have morphed into a personal assistant, event coordinator, event salesperson, restaurant manager, marketing director, operations director, and im also in charge of being forward thinking to generate business, handle staffing, and pick up any slack.
Thankfully, my other younger sister, 22f, just moved into town and has great people skills and more of a desire to take over the management o the restaurant as I have previously stated, I have ZEROOOO interest or desire. To top it all off, last year I made just under $20k because some of the businesses are still being pushed into development so we can generate income. I asked for a raise because I am scraping by and doing an immense about of work. However, there simply isn’t the budget for it. But we currently dont have the staffing ,the structure, or the top down leadership in place to fluidly run this volume of business without an immense level of work that I dont have any desire to do, nor do I care/want to be deeply engrossed in this field of business.
I feel like things are messy and we just keep pushing and chugging forward and taking on projects and clients, without seeing true profit, and never taking a step back to recalibrate. I have interests in other ventures but im up to my neck in trying to steer a ship that im so frustrated isn’t being steered properly in the first place. I see no end in sight and I dont derive any joy or fulfillment from this kind of work and its dulling my desire to pursue any other ventures, especially since I dont have the time. I dont think I particularly want to step away completely, but I would like to just be involved in the marketing and the behind the scenes structure and stop being seen as a Swiss Army knife to solve fix things that I feel arent my responsibility just because I have a strong sense of obligation and care to my family. And I just feel really guilty not helping.
I think more has been bitten off than can be chewed and I dont know what to do or how to articulate myself or even if im in the wrong and just being spoiled and ungrateful. Both of my parents didnt have present parent and they constantly tell us that they wish they had family that created a business and a “legacy” for them. I feel like im just running with no time to catch my breath and I feel overwhelmed and unhappy and I dread anything related to the industry. I want to sit down and have a conversation to clear up roles and responsibilities and let my stepdad know that I will only work the hours I can be paid enough for and that I dont have desire to be part of the daily operation of the businesses on the ground. I also worry that they will have trouble replacing me. I just feel very conflicted. Is the answer clear and Im just scared to say it or am I selfish?