M18 and F18. My girlfriend isn’t keeping her promises.
Me and my girlfriend have had A LOT of conversations about me wanting the absolute bare minimum from her. I’ve constantly been asking for reassurance and little things, which I’ll go into detail about now.
It all started like a month or two ago (we have been together for 6 months), but I noticed she stopped being as affectionate and stopped doing the little things. I’ve felt like I’ve been putting all the effort in. I’ve been buying her gifts, planning dates, I’m always asking to call, etc., and whenever she’s sad, I’m always, always there for her.
However, I get none of that back, and recently I’ve gotten sick of it, so I pointed it all out. She swears it was just down to stress and that she does love me, but I’m really questioning it now.
Whenever there have been arguments, sometimes she will just go, “I’m going to sleep,” and leave the issue unresolved, leaving me to sleep with a heavy heart and feeling extremely anxious. She knows I really struggle with my mental health, and she knows my anxiety is really bad.
So, 2 days ago, I got really fed up because of another issue that had arisen that I instantly went to fix, which I did. However, she kept being in a mood with me, so I told her straight up, like, if you keep acting this way, I simply won’t put up with it anymore. I told her I needed space, so I turned my phone off.
I came back an hour later to her blowing my phone up, begging me not to leave and saying that she’s sorry. She was begging me not to leave, e.g., “I’m begging you, please don’t leave me.”
So, we get around to talking, and she’s crying and saying she’s sorry for how everything’s been. She promises she loves me, and I told her she needs to actually act on the things I’m telling her to fix—the lack of affection, the lack of reassurance, etc.
Anyway, the main thing I want to highlight is the reassurance. She promised that she would reassure me, that everything would be okay, and that she’s sorry. I also want to point out that since we got together, she’s been saying that she wants us forever, etc.
I’ve been annoyed over incidents involving her messaging another guy who was apparently just a friend. I’ve caught her messaging other guys, basically, and no, not in a cheating way, as I saw the messages. That was early in the relationship; however, that’s where my lack of trust has come from.
Another big issue for me is the way she sometimes just disappears and stops replying, especially when she’s with her friends. I completely understand that she has her own life and I don’t expect her to be constantly on her phone or messaging me every second when she’s out. I want her to enjoy herself and spend time with her friends. The problem is that she’ll sometimes just stop responding without saying anything, even when she’s been online, and I’m left wondering what’s going on.
It makes me anxious because I’ve explained to her multiple times that I struggle when she suddenly disappears. I’m not asking for constant updates or for her to spend the whole time talking to me. I just want a little reassurance or even a quick message letting me know that she’s busy and everything is okay. Especially after she promised me that she would work on reassuring me more, it hurts when the same thing keeps happening.
What makes it more confusing is that when I turned my phone off for an hour and needed space, she was extremely worried and begged me not to leave her. So I feel like she understands how horrible that uncertainty can feel, but when it happens the other way around, I’m expected to just deal with it.
That’s why I’m struggling so much with this. It isn’t just one incident or one time she hasn’t replied. It’s the fact that I’ve communicated how I feel, she’s promised to work on it, and then the same things continue happening. I don’t want to control who she sees or expect her to constantly message me when she’s with her friends. I just want to feel like my feelings are being considered and that the reassurance she promised me actually means something.
I need help on whether I should say something again or whether I’m expecting too much. I feel like I’m constantly asking for the same things and getting promises that things will change, but I’m not seeing much change in her actions.