u/Emergency-Series-704

I have been seeing this woman for a little over two months now. I really enjoy the time we spend together, and I’m very much attracted to her physically and emotionally. I feel a genuine strong connection with her and I don’t think I’ve fallen this hard for a girl before. There’s just some very big red flags that have been causing me a lot of stress lately. We have never had sex before. This is something that I can live with, it’s just unusual for me personally. Other than the no sex, she is very physically and verbally affectionate. We kiss and hug constantly, we hold hands, she touches me when we talk, she tells me how attractive she thinks I am and all the things she likes about my personality, etc. Like I said, I can get past not having sex if it’s too soon for her and makes her uncomfortable, but other things are starting to make me paranoid about this.

I have never been to her house, and she’s only been to mine once. Most of my attempts at inviting her over have been ignored or turned down. The one time she’s been over, we laid in my bed after a night out and watched a movie. She kept most of her clothes on. We were making out and when I made a move, she shot it down and said she was uncomfortable with doing anything with other people in the house. I have 3 roommates (we live in a decent sized townhouse in a major city). The other roommates and I have all had girls over before and none of us have ever heard or seen anything before and I assured her of that, but it was still a no. Again, I respect her boundaries and there was no hard feelings. However, she has never invited me to her place, and any attempt I’ve made to give her that opportunity is just ignored. I have offered to meet her at her place so we can ride together when we go out, but this offer is flat out ignored every time.

She usually drives and I take public transit to meet places. We went to a concert last night and given that driving wasn’t really an option for an event like this for her, she got an uber to the restaurant before the concert and I ordered us an uber to the concert. We both agreed that we had an amazing time with each other once it was over. I asked for her address for the uber ride home. She asked if we were getting two separate ubers after I ordered hers. I asked if there was any chance I could crash at her place since it was so much closer and I was genuinely exhausted. Then, she told me her house is never an option. The reason she gave me is that she finds it “disrespectful” to have a man in her home because she lives with her sister. She had brought up before that she doesn’t want her sister’s boyfriend in the house, but I assumed that was because she didn’t like him (she has told me this). I asked her why she refuses to come over my place then and she said it’s because I have roommates. I expressed my frustration to her that it’s strange for me to see someone this long and not just hang out at each other’s places from time to time. Her response to this is that I was “overthinking” it. She seemed irritated that I was even bringing this up, and made it seem like I should have already known all of this. I ended up adding a stop at my house that cost me an extra $110. She seemed very cold and distant on the uber ride home as well.

She is Mexican and I’m white. She is very proud of her Mexican identity and culture (not from Mexico, born and raised in the US city we live in). I could definitely see this being a cultural thing that maybe I don’t understand, but I am completely unsure. It seems like all we do is text and go out for dinner and drinks (and the one concert), and that’s the only way she’s willing to spend time with me. I have also never met any of her friends or family and she’s only met my friends one time (I don’t have family in this city). I have spent a lot of time, effort and money on this girl, and I genuinely don’t mind, as long as I feel it’s being reciprocated. I just can’t see this going anywhere because it feels like she’s not making any effort to have me be a part of her life, even if she otherwise gives off the impression that the relationship is going to develop into something more serious. I am deeply hurt to even consider ending this relationship because of how much I really like this girl, but I really don’t know what to do.