Intro post- long, but need advice
Posting on a throwaway account because I carry a lot of shame with my BED and current weight. I know I've been denying how its really affecting me for a long time. Walking is getting harder and I'm less likely to go out and be social because I don't want my family and friends to know how much of a struggle it is. Currently I am 32 years old, 5'6", female and 382 lbs. I've been steadily gaining weight since I was 10 years old. I know some of it is genetics (heavy family on both sides), but I also have BED, major depression, prediabetes, and PCOS. I'm currently on 2 different blood pressure meds and asked my doctor to put me on metformin for the insulin resistance. I know I'm over eating and have cut down from bingeing every week to maybe twice a month. I keep barely any food in my apartment because I know I will eat it all. Food delivery and restaurants are my enemy because they are too convenient for a binge.i majorly cut down on Doordash to once a month, but eating out mostly every weekend with my bf because I don't keep enough food in the house to feed him when he comes over. My grocery trip are to get breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the week while I'm working and that's it. I used to meal prep but that wasn't great for my binge eating because one serving of food would turn into half a pot/pan when it's made in bulk and easy access. I can't afford a GLP1 from telehealth/online and my insurance has it as a plan exception, so they won't prescribe it even with a diabetes diagnosis. I'm terrified of surgery and not really ready to make a major decision like that, the lifetime long term effects scare me and I don't think my insurance would cover any of it anyways. I guess I need someone to ELI5 weight loss if surgery and GLP1s aren't on the table as options. Like, I know CICO is effective, but what if you have PCOS and insulin resistance that you're fighting against? Does the science really back that eating less you will still lose weight that way? I've tried cutting calories before, lost water weight and then gained it back which makes me think something is wrong with me. Every time I have less and less motivation to stick with it. I'm a person that is driven by results, so seeing the scale not move at all or go back up really kills my desire to stick with a lifestyle change like this. I was seeing a dietician but I stopped- (from shame, but also because I didn't feel like she was the most helpful because a lot of her clients were addicted to junk food or diabetics and I didn't feel like I fit that profile). I eat vegetables, I eat fruit, like fish, try to stay away from red meat. Carbs are always difficult to be around. Not really a sweets person, but I love savory food. My main issues are portion control and not turning everything into a binge.
Anybody have an advice for newbie that is tired of saying 'I'll start over tomorrow?'