[Query] HOLLOWED HEART, Adult Fantasy, 149k words, 1st Attempt
Hi there! Long time lurker, first time poster :) Despite how daunting this is, I have seen the incredible feedback that comes out of this sub and hope to improve my query letter with your help.
Thank you for taking the time to read and offer critique <3 (uploaded from phone!)
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Dear [personalised]
[Personalised intro]. I would love to share my debut novel, HOLLOWED HEART (149,000 words). My novel is an Adult Fantasy with New Adult crossover appeal, and the first in a planned trilogy. It combines the oppressive military rebellion of Pierce Brown’s Red Rising with the brutal character introspection of Kentaro Miura’s Berserk, offering a high-stakes, dystopian take on Beauty and the Beast—told from the eyes of the beast.
Eighteen-year-old Orin Kirkheart wanted nothing more than to follow in his father’s footsteps and cure the blights that ravage Limonia.
Until his life was stolen.
When Orin wakes trapped in the body of a gruesome beast, his new reality becomes hauntingly clear: he is the culmination of his father’s life’s work, forced to serve as a living weapon for a ruthless military regime commanded by The Voice of God—a merciless dictator whose speech bends the entire city to his will through a divine compulsion.
But Orin soon discovers his cruel conscription is only the first step in the regime’s thirst for global control. Their true prize is Victoria—a captive mental sorceress they plan to sacrifice to forge a terrifying new weapon.
Unwilling to be a monster for the military that ruined him, Orin helps her escape.
Together, two unlikely allies navigate a merciless world of bandits, rippers, face-changers, and desperate people, relentlessly pursued by the Voice of God’s three Military Generals.
To regain his human body and the memories of his stolen life, Orin must track down the architect of his nightmare: his own father, all while protecting Victoria from the real monsters hunting them, to stop the military from completing their weapon. But as the beast within threatens to consume his mind, Orin is forced to decide what he is willing to sacrifice: his humanity, or the girl he is slowly falling in love with.
[About me and outro]
[Contact info]