Hello! I've been editing this query on my own, and since this is my first time querying, I'm very stuck. I've been told to stay within 30-50% of my book, but a huge plot point of my novel takes place near the end (Nick is offered an art scholarship and has to leave to France for 3 years before he comes back and they are reunited again). I don't want it to come across as getting caught is the only thing at stake, but I also don't want to be too vague either. I would love some feedback on where I should go with this. Thank you so much!

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Dear [Agent],

I am thrilled to submit my Adult Contemporary M/M Romance, To: You, complete at 82,000 words, which works as a standalone with series potential. My novel is full of yearning, witty banter, and two men trying not to fall for each other, but failing beautifully, all within a high-heat, dual POV, and time-spanning college romance. It also carries the deep emotional growth of Alexis Hall's London Calling series and the lingering second-chance intensity of Casey McQuiston's The Pairing.

Two years after a steamy but awkward bathroom encounter at their high school graduation party, Ren Sanders freezes as Nick Sommers walks into his college literature class, like a ghost he can't exorcise. Ren has spent two years trying to convince himself that night meant nothing, but the moment Nick sits down three seats ahead of him, he forgets how to breathe like a normal person. Desperately, he tries to bury the memory, but Nick unravels him in a matter of weeks, drawing out the fierce temper and chaotic emotions that Ren has never revealed to anyone else. Wanting Nick was supposed to have an expiration date. It didn't.

Beneath the polished golden-boy image forced into him by his demanding parents, Nick hides a witty, playful humor that he reserves solely for Ren—the only person who ever asked, so sweetly, for the real him. Where the rest of the world demands perfection, Nick shows up for Ren's flaws, seeing everything from the enormous collection of unread books to his inexplicable hatred for vegetables. Whether he is dancing with him on the beach when everything feels too heavy, or surprising him on spontaneous trips so Ren never has to be alone in his own head, he simply stays. Slowly, a private sanctuary forms in Nick's apartment above an old bookstore, and Ren realizes that love isn't something he has to survive; it's something he gets to keep.

But a love built in secret is fragile. When Ren's closest friend inadvertently uncovers their relationship, panic triggers Ren's deepest trauma: the memory of his aunt, cast out and rejected for loving who she loved. Terrified of a world he considers too dangerous to live in openly, Ren pushes Nick away, choosing the safety of isolation over the risk of being seen. However, running can only protect his heart for so long. With a ticking countdown to a life-altering shift approaching and a heartbreaking separation threatening to part them by an ocean, Ren must find the courage to stand up for their love before their story becomes nothing more than an unfinished sentence.

[Bio]

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Thank you to everyone for your feedback!

Told in dual POV, HEARTWORK is a 79,000-word annoyance-to-lovers romcom that combines the meta romance of Iman Hariri-Kia’s Female Fantasy, the heartfelt search for magic in B.K. Borison’s First-Time Caller, and the comedic dating gauntlet of Netflix’s Voicemails for Isabelle. Given your interest in X

Love is Sky Belova’s religion, and she dreams of turning her romance-inspired art into a future her Russian immigrant parents can no longer label a phase. Her summer residency is her big break, so going viral for defending the validity of romance novels to a handsome stranger is simply an embarrassing detour…until arriving at the arts residency and discovering he’s the owner’s son who also lives on the premises.

Sky seizes the chance to wipe the smirk off Archer Callahan’s face and prove to everyone in her life she isn’t living in a fantasy world, betting that she’ll get her happily ever after by filtering potential suitors through her favorite tropes. After watching love hurt his family the entirety of his twenty-eight years, the grumpy hookup app founder built a fortune wagering against the scam we call commitment. So Archer only accepts if, upon failing, Sky publicly endorses his anti-romance app, turning virality into signups.

Except instead of “I told you so”, Archer soothes Sky’s dating disasters and even encourages the rose-colored mentality she’s spent her life defending. After their feud transforms into fun banter and five-chili-pepper-level attraction, Sky learns that while his support was genuine, Archer’s been using her private dating life as social media fodder. Though he tries to win her back by orchestrating second chance into Sky’s next trope, after finally choosing herself over the opinions and expectations of those around her, she must decide if Archer belongs in her happy ending.

ALT STAKES: Though Archer tries to win her back by orchestrating second chance into her next trope, Sky must decide whether the love stories she shaped her identity—and portfolio—around belong in real life or were only meant to exist in fiction.

NOTE: I tried following the dual POV structure, though the first sentence in the second (Archer’s) paragraph made the first (Sky’s) paragraph too long. I felt like it could work in the second because it’s the inciting incident, and not only about Sky.

FIRST 500:

Only One Coffee

When two people are forced—by circumstance, caffeine shortages, fate, or an overworked barista—to accidentally share a coffee order, resulting in escalating tension and at least one prolonged stare over a cardboard cup sleeve. 

Often manifests through variations of the classic one bed trope (also known as one room, one horse, one tent, etc.).

Visual markers include lipstick on a plastic lid, steam rising into the air, and a pair of oversized sunglasses.

See Wayne Thiebaud. 

Sky

 
Two thoughts hit me at once: first, this is the last time I follow my best friend’s advice, which has previously included shroom-infused face lotion. The second is that I might be having a heart attack. 
All the blood in my body just rushed to my perpetually swoony organ, so I’ll have to circle back to the first thought later. Thump. So many thumps. 
I’m at one of those places where the line—more of a cluster, really—is the main attraction. Where the sure-to-be-subpar coffee, made to feel exclusive with a $15 price tag is almost beside the point. However, no one in the shop’s too-sceney-for-eight-in-the-morning collective manages to pull focus from the man responsible for my coronary. 
A woman in enormous black Céline sunnies bumps into me on her way out, gripping her matcha like it’s more human baby than seafoam green liquid. God bless her. She jostled me out of my stupor. 
Re: my first thought. If a café could have an affiliate link in bio, this one would. Admittedly, the ceramic mugs lining the floating oak shelves below a minimalist black menu board are very aesthetically pleasing. 
“Piccolo!” a barista calls out.
I roll the sleeve of my flowy dress in case the counter is dirty and reach for the cup. A masculine hand lands on it at the same time, causing mine to awkwardly entwine with his. My eyes move slowly upward, along the slightly wrinkled, beige linen sleeve of the man’s shirt until they rest on a very tan face about six or seven inches above my own. 
The din of the coffee shop fades, my heart stuttering. Is this—could this be what I think it is?
He’s devastating. Attractive in the sort of way that suggests he knows it. The type to have Monica slash Blonde from Surf Lodge and Lauren slash Brunette from Gurney’s in his contacts. 
I should stop staring. 
“I believe this is my drink,” he—the he*—*says, grinning lopsidedly and revealing a dimple on his left cheek.
“I believe this is my drink,” I correct him pleasantly, silently commanding myself to be cool.
It’s hard enough locating the silky ristretto shot topped with steamed microfoam in Manhattan, let alone East Hampton. Typical. The more you want something, the more the universe insists on hiding it in the very last rack of a sample sale. 
“You sure about that?” 
My head tilts. Who’s condescending over coffee? Like, imagine gatekeeping bean water. “Pretty sure, yeah. Fifteen minutes is a long wait, but not long enough for me to forget my order.”

Here is my attempted revision to a literary query. If nothing else, I can say that this feels more like my book that anything I have written query-wise thus far. So, winning! 🤣 But seriously, settling on the genre feels like unlocking a door. Lots more doors ahead though, I'm sure. 😁

Dear Agent,

2175. As the first Jouet—a cybernetic-brained, fabricated human—Leela’s sole purpose is to provide pleasure to the elite of the Foli Corporation. In forty-four-hour work phases of private sessions and decadent parties, she delivers. She enjoys it, as she was designed to do, yet longs for more time to rest and read the human-created novels she adores. And soon after a new patron, Lord Alferen, surprises her with genuine concern, her overloaded system causes her to collapse.

Severely weakened, Leela is forced to recuperate. Her inability to perform her function crushes her as much as the prospect of shutdown terrifies her. Yet when Alferen visits, sharing emotional intimacy and human-created music, she awakens to previously unimagined passions. She delights in teaching herself to play piano and compose her own music, reveling in both Alferen’s tender encouragement and her joyous newfound inspiration.

After Leela meets Foli Corporation’s leader, Fermand, she learns that he is Alferen’s estranged father. She is devastated to discover that Alferen has been studying her for his own purpose: the creation of more advanced fabricated humans for his rival Corporation. However, Leela still wants to be with him—until she learns that Fermand intends to create copies of her to perform her old function. Then, Leela must make an agonizing choice: accept Alferen’s sweet, exploitative use of her, along with an existence of comfort, affection, and creative fulfillment; or protect her future copies by resuming her empty, exhausting former existence herself… if she can convince Fermand to agree, and if returning to work does not break her for good.

Jouet is a 79,000-word literary speculative fiction novel. It will appeal to readers who enjoy explorations of human relationships through sentient AI perspectives, blending the emotional poignancy of Kazuo Ishiguro’s Klara and the Sun with the tense sexual dynamics of Sierra Greer’s Annie Bot. Opera lovers may recognize that Jouet also reinterprets the tragic La Traviata, with Ex Machina and Companion twists. It is a standalone with series potential that reinterprets operatic storylines in the same world.

I worked as a classical soprano for twelve years. Violetta (La Traviata) was my favorite role. These days, I sing with my guitar or ukulele instead of an orchestra.

Thank you for your consideration.

Thank you for all the advice I got last time!! It was a huge help! I tried to clear up some details without sacrificing pacing. Hopefully the passivity problem is better, too. My main character is dreaming about faeries, but I’m dreaming about the day I enter nitpick territory, haha.

TW for mentions of suicide

[Edit: there’s a revised attempt in the comments]

Dear [agent],

Given your interest in [this], I’m presenting STRINGS OF FAETE, a standalone YA, LGBTQIA+ contemporary fantasy novel with series potential. Complete at 96,000 words, it combines the bubbly, magical fae companion of FT Lukens’ Otherworldly with the themes of self-acceptance and mental health found in Mason Deaver’s I Wish You All the Best.

Sixteen-year-old Tatsuki Allen's beautiful dreams make him miserable. Each night filled with faeries and love makes each day with his demanding, homophobic father harder. Against his will, he moves countries to live with his estranged mother and half-brother. America is difficult enough without high school, where a social blunder ends with him nearly breaking his neck on the stairs. Saved by classmate Winter Araenum, Tatsuki has no clue he's just reconnected with his lover from a previous life, nor that his presence will awaken magical forces within him.

While struggling to bond with Winter and his new family, Tatsuki fights an otherworldly call from the woods, tempting him to meet his demise. Abandoned, homesick, and isolated from his friends, every failure fractures his resolve. After clashing with his brother, ruining a gift meant for his mom, and nearly poisoning gluten-intolerant Winter, Tatsuki heeds the woods’ call and tries to take his life. Instead, he meets a faerie.

Tatsuki feels hopeful when Áine, a chipper but tactless faerie, reveals he's a reincarnated fae. He agrees to aid her mission to rescue fae who have gone to the human world and warped into monsters, and in exchange, she'll give him the life of his dreams…literally. However, going to her realm means reverting to his fae incarnation, sacrificing his human identity. Between fighting a floating head in a Target bathroom, navigating his crush on Winter, and saving his brother from a zombie, Tatsuki must decide whether a new life is worth giving up who he is.

I’m a bisexual and demisexual high school English teacher who cares deeply about teens seeing themselves represented in literature. As my book deals with themes of depression and suicidal ideation, I was lucky enough to have it reviewed by a therapist. I recently won a short story contest and was one of five contestants published in the April 2026 issue of Lavender Rising.

Thank you for your consideration,

[Name]

Any advice, comments, or criticisms would be appreciated!

Passing as a human on land, mermaid KYE APHRODITE is desperate to protect her hidden colony off California. When an unmapped salvage vessel, the Valkyrie, leaks chemicals over her underwater sanctuary, Kye’s panicked sonic scream shatters the ship’s hull, grounding it on a reef in her research zone. Assigned as environmental liaison, Kye must partner with lead salvager DILLON YUSEI, who secretly hunts mermaids for sport. When Dillon attempts to bypass safety protocols, Kye uses historical environmental precedent to block the lift and assess the toxic spill before it wipes out her colony in 72 hours.

The stakes skyrocket when Dillon discovers the sunken vessel belongs to his family and covertly transported chemical weapons designed to eradicate mermaids. As toxins leak into the reef, their rivalry yields to an uneasy truce. Kye sends a distress text to her colony, per protocol, starting an evacuation that goes unanswered..

When wreckage collapses underwater, Kye reveals her mermaid nature to save Dillon. During a harrowing ascent, Dillon battles his instinct to destroy or exploit her, realizing he now owes a life debt to the creature he was raised to hunt. Trapped overnight in the lab under a strict deadline to analyze the chemicals, Dillon’s defenses crumble as Kye repeatedly defies his monster profile, turning their high-stakes tension into physical intimacy. Through a records search, Dillon uncovers a hidden connection: Kye's mother was allegedly the mermaid who killed his mother, prompting his father's retaliatory explosion 17 years earlier—Kye barely survived as a child.

The arrival of Dillon's ruthless father, TALION YUSEI, tests their fragile truce as Dillon ignores Kye to avoid contradicting his father, leaving Kye unsure of where he stands. While Talion pushes to entomb the wreck on the seafloor, Dillon covertly blacks out dive cameras and uses an ROV to steal the ship's black box, protecting his family's secrets.

After securing the Valkyrie onto a barge, Talion ignores safety protocols and triggers a catastrophic chemical reaction. Kye removes her protective mask to secure the decontamination bay—saving both men and earning a second life debt from Dillon—but suffers severe toxin poisoning. Still reeling from the case file discovery hours earlier, a conflicted Dillon exploits her disoriented state to confirm her secrets before rushing her to medical.

Locked away and fighting for her life, Kye must forcibly suppress her body's rapid cellular regeneration so Talion and the medical staff do not discover her non-human nature. Meanwhile, a badly burned Dillon leaves her side to bring the volatile chemical fire under control so the barge can finally make port. Back on shore, a recovering Kye fakes unconsciousness to escape into a waiting ambulance.

Talion corners his son, revealing he knows Kye is a mermaid. Reviewing the stolen black box footage in isolation, Dillon uncovers the ultimate dual truth: proof his father ordered the chemical deployment, and footage revealing Kye’s desperate scream sank the ship to evade capture. With the sanctuary ecologically decimated, Dillon is left holding the footage while Kye’s colony faces an uncertain future.

I think a new title is needed to reflect noir vs mystery. This is a tweaked effort to address some criticisms. I had hoped to have this up earlier with a synopsis but life has gotten in the way and feedback is better than perfectionistic delay. Thanks for the continuing support.

RAZING PROSPECTS is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in weary Old Toronto, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's Razorblade Tears combined with the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of The Maid by Prose or Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Stevenson.

Shattered after letting his wife drown, "Lynx" Auger returns from a year of self-exile with nothing but a memento of his heroic grandfather and a desperation to become someone new. When he gets a mistaken job offer emailed from the hapless boss of a crummy café, Lynx talks his way into the job and a room for the night. On his first day, he finds the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. The investigating cop is less interested in the murder than extorting payoffs and undervalued real estate, which he excuses with tales of racist head taxes imposed on his ancestors. 

When Lynx clings to his new mission of serving exceptional coffee to repressed outcasts, like the agoraphobic music teacher who ventures down from his apartment, the cop shuts the place down with a shower of bullets and pressure on its indebted owner to offload it cheap. As Lynx's new outcast friends start channelling fear into rage (like burning down the cop's greenhouse) Lynx realizes he could soon have their deaths on his conscience. He can back off and surrender to the punishment his wife's family demands, or accept the help of his volatile friends to solve the murder of a man who gave him his second chance, and expose the cop who sees every dirty penny as his due. 

My story "Veneer" was published in The Maple Tree Literary Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Dear Agent, 

Personalization

LEADING TONES is an upmarket historical fiction novel at 97,000 words and written under the pen name Shane Rainey. It is a standalone with series potential that will appeal to book club readers who enjoyed the intoxicating first love and grief that define TALKING AT NIGHT and the life-altering choices of an academically driven heroine in HOUSE OF EVE. 

Uprooted by her mother to Northern England in 1958, native Californian Samantha Clarke is reclaiming the future she lost when her father died. Perfect marks and college applications are her only ticket home—but falling for an intensely devoted guitarist threatens to tie her to a town and identity defined by her grief.  

Working-class boy and guitar prodigy Callum Anderson spends his afternoons smoking cigarettes and reading in Samantha’s living room. When an almost-kiss forces Samantha to face her growing feelings for Callum, the fear that she’s jeopardizing her future wins out. Samantha retreats into her practical plan to recover her old identity, and for a year, Callum uses shared marginalia in traded paperbacks, furtive glances, and stolen touches to slowly break down her walls. But, when Samantha finally admits she truly loves him, it doesn’t stop the ticking clock. 

Colleges back home are mailing acceptance letters, and Callum’s band is offered a coveted contract in Hamburg, Germany that promises him a step toward fame. He’s due to depart in three days, and Samantha must make a choice. She can become the independent California girl she was supposed to be, or stay in England, waiting for a guitarist whose love and ambition will tether her to a life shaped by her father’s death. 

I’m a native Californian and sixth-grade math/science teacher living in the North Bay Area. Having graduated Summa Cum Laude with my teaching credential at twenty-two, I gave Samantha my academic drive and fight for agency in a life defined by her circumstances; the same fight that has pushed me to pursue my dream to be a published author. 

Thank you for your time and consideration. 

Hello! I may be returning to the query trenches after about five years, so I'm out of practice. I've also never written a query for a multi-POV, multi-timeline book OR something that is more character-driven than plot-driven. I think this might be too vague, but I'd love some input.

Dear [agent],
It’s 1959, and Flora Abney has just one job: be the perfect housewife. Society demands that she keep the house tidy, greet her husband at the door with a smile, and never let on just how miserable she really is. When Flora’s husband admits that there was an incident at the nuclear reactor where he is an engineer, she’s left to deal with the fallout of his increasing absence from their family and the resulting rift in their already tenuous marriage. 
Three years later, the world holds its breath for six days in October, teetering on the edge of nuclear annihilation as the crisis in Cuba unfolds. The missiles are never launched, but fifteen-year-old Jinx Abney’s world ends just the same when her parents announce their separation. Jinx doesn’t know anyone whose parents don’t live together, and she’s not sure what to say when her little sister asks if they are still a family. Maybe “family” doesn’t mean what she thinks—maybe there’s more to it than just sharing DNA.
At the end of the ‘60s, the Age of Aquarius is coming to a close, and Birdie Abney, now fifteen, is used to being alone. Her father is never around, her mother works nights, and her sister hasn’t been home in months. But when she sees Jinx dumpster-diving with a mysterious hippie, she realizes that her sister has been closer to home than she ever imagined. 
As the Abney family disintegrates against the backdrop of the turbulent 1960s, their trust in the institutions of society erodes, launching them on a path that will eventually cross with one of the most notorious cults of the twentieth century: the Manson Family. 
NUCLEAR FAMILY (100,000 words) is a character-driven, adult literary fiction novel that combines the intergenerational saga of Jonathan Franzen’s Crossroads with the 1960s setting of Where the Girls Were by Kate Schatz. It will appeal to fans of historical fiction and complicated family dynamics, particularly those between sisters, mothers, and daughters. 
[Author's bio redacted for privacy, but this includes publication/award info for my first two YA books published by a reputable small press.]
Thank you for your consideration!