u/nekoleap

I think a new title is needed to reflect noir vs mystery. This is a tweaked effort to address some criticisms. I had hoped to have this up earlier with a synopsis but life has gotten in the way and feedback is better than perfectionistic delay. Thanks for the continuing support.

RAZING PROSPECTS is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in weary Old Toronto, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's Razorblade Tears combined with the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of The Maid by Prose or Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Stevenson.

Shattered after letting his wife drown, "Lynx" Auger returns from a year of self-exile with nothing but a memento of his heroic grandfather and a desperation to become someone new. When he gets a mistaken job offer emailed from the hapless boss of a crummy café, Lynx talks his way into the job and a room for the night. On his first day, he finds the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. The investigating cop is less interested in the murder than extorting payoffs and undervalued real estate, which he excuses with tales of racist head taxes imposed on his ancestors. 

When Lynx clings to his new mission of serving exceptional coffee to repressed outcasts, like the agoraphobic music teacher who ventures down from his apartment, the cop shuts the place down with a shower of bullets and pressure on its indebted owner to offload it cheap. As Lynx's new outcast friends start channelling fear into rage (like burning down the cop's greenhouse) Lynx realizes he could soon have their deaths on his conscience. He can back off and surrender to the punishment his wife's family demands, or accept the help of his volatile friends to solve the murder of a man who gave him his second chance, and expose the cop who sees every dirty penny as his due. 

My story "Veneer" was published in The Maple Tree Literary Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

My sincere gratitude for your continued engagement. I have had quite a dialogue with your questions over these weeks, which have pushed me to dig deeper to express this in a way that was more true to the book.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's Razorblade Tears combined with the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of The Maid by Prose or Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Stevenson.

Shattered after letting his wife drown, "Lynx" Auger returns from a year of self-exile with nothing but a memento of his heroic grandfather and a desperation to become someone new. When he gets a mistaken job offer emailed from the hapless boss of a crummy café, Lynx talks his way into the job and a room for the night. On his first day, he finds the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. The detective is less interested in the murder than extorting payoffs and cheap real estate to make up for the racist head taxes imposed on his ancestors. 

When Lynx clings to his new mission of serving coffee to repressed outcasts, like the agoraphobic music teacher who ventures down from his apartment, the detective tries to force a quick sale by showering the place with bullets. Lynx can avoid getting someone else killed by surrendering to the punishment his wife's family demands, or accept the risky help of his outcast friends (who are starting to channel fears into rage) to solve the murder and expose the cop who sees every dirty penny as his due. 

My story "Veneer" was published in The Maple Tree Literary Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thanks for the reactions so far. They are helpful because they show gaps between my intent and what actually comes through. I'd note that when someone dies, until someone assumes the role of adminsistrator, there would be enough chaos for someone to keep showing up at a tiny cafe to serve coffee and take cash in the short term. It's a part-time job for lots of teens going to school, so it's not a difficult thing at this scale. The law depends on people to show up... or it has no effect. I think that is a very noir concept. And the book highlights the difference between people who are supposed to do it and don't... and those who actually step in. Hope this helps.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's Razorblade Tears combined with the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of The Maid by Prose or Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Stevenson.

Shattered after letting his wife drown, "Lynx" Auger returns from a year of self-exile needing a bed and a pathway to redemption. When he gets a mistaken job offer emailed from the hapless boss of a crummy café, Lynx talks his way into the job and a room for the night. On his first day, he finds the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster, and the detective (running a network of cronies who turn fender benders into insurance fraud) more interested in soothing his grievances with extortion than doing his job. 

When Lynx clings to his new mission of serving coffee to outcasts struggling to overcome their own wounds, the detective responds by sending goons to shower the place with bullets. Lynx can succumb to the voices in his head expecting failure (and a podcaster demanding his punishment) or live up to his grandfather's heroism by solving the murder and exposing a cop who sees every dirty penny as his due. 

My story "Veneer" was published in The Maple Tree Literary Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

 

Many thanks for the input on the prior version! Your time is greatly valued and appreciated. Your tone is also constructive, which is a huge plus!

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's Razorblade Tears combined with the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of The Maid by Prose or Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Stevenson.

His life and mind fractured after letting his wife drown, a penniless Lynx returns from a year of self-exile determined to become someone new. When he gets a mistaken job offer emailed from the hapless boss of a crummy café, Lynx shows up anyway to prove he can do it. On the first day, he finds the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster, and the detective (and his network of cronies who turn fender benders into insurance fraud) more interested in payoffs than doing his job. When Lynx keeps showing up to prove he can save the café, the detective responds by sending his goons to shower the place with bullets. Lynx can surrender to his disintegrating mind and a life on the streets, or finally prove something only he can do: he can find who killed his boss, and expose the cop and the rest of his grifting cronies who'd rather turn misfortune into cash. 

My story "Veneer" was published in The Maple Tree Literary Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Desperate to end a year of exile, "Lynx" Auger responds to a misdirected job offer by flying home and stealing the job. He doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. Or the investigating detective more interested in snatching the café than solving a murder. 

A sane person would run. But for a penniless Lynx with nagging voices in his head, reopening the café seems the only way forward—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down. 

Unable to reboot his life, and haunted by an unforgiven death in his past, Lynx can no longer run away. He starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong. He unearths deep grudges and a network of fraudsters who rely on the detective's greed to protect their flashy lifestyles. Lynx can expect a deadly beating if he exposes the killers and the corruption that keeps them free. But if he fails to answer his conscience, he faces life on the street with a disintegrating mind.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "*Sorry!*" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's *Razorblade Tears* and the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of *The Maid* by Prose or *Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone* by Stevenson*.*

My story "Veneer" was published in *The Maple Tree Literary Supplement*. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Desperate to end a year of exile, "Lynx" Auger responds to a misdirected job offer by flying home and stealing the job. He doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. Or the investigating detective more interested in snatching the café than solving a murder. 

A sane person would run. But for a penniless Lynx with nagging voices in his head, reopening the café seems the only way forward—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down. 

Unable to reboot his life, and haunted by an unforgiven death in his past, Lynx can no longer run away. He starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong. He unearths deep grudges and a network of fraudsters who rely on the detective's greed to protect their flashy lifestyles. Lynx can expect a deadly beating if he exposes the killers and the corruption that keeps them free. But if he fails to answer his conscience, he faces life on the street with a disintegrating mind.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "*Sorry!*" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's *Razorblade Tears* and the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of *The Maid* by Prose or *Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone* by Stevenson*.*

My story "Veneer" was published in *The Maple Tree Literary Supplement*. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Thanks for help so far. I have taken the advice and gone back to the earlier query and revised it as below:

Desperate to end a year of exile, "Lynx" Auger responds to a misdirected job offer by flying home and stealing the job. He doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. Or the investigating detective more interested in snatching the café than solving a murder. 

A sane person would run. But for a penniless Lynx with nagging voices in his head, reopening the café seems the only way forward—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down. 

Unable to reboot his life, and haunted by an unforgiven death in his past, Lynx can no longer run away. He starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong. He unearths deep grudges and a network of fraudsters who rely on the detective's greed to protect their flashy lifestyles. Lynx can expect a deadly beating if he exposes the killers and the corruption that keeps them free. But if he fails to answer his conscience, he faces life on the street with a disintegrating mind.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word noir crime novel grounded in diverse Old Toronto, where "*Sorry!*" comes with a shove. This book has the noir of Cosby's *Razorblade Tears* and the off-kilter voice and amateur crime-solving of *The Maid* by Prose or *Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone* by Stevenson*.*

My story "Veneer" was published in *The Maple Tree Literary Supplement*. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Please offer some crime books that have or or more of the following. I am really struggling. Note I am saying crime rather than mystery to avoid puzzles and whodunnits.

urban neighbourhood noir (corruption, decay but not bleak or cruel or explicit)

character driven crimes arising from their traumas, resentments, entitlements

web of crimes to untangle to resolve the main one

amateur investigator who may be reluctant 

strongly voiced narrator with an odd point of view

Something like a softboiled noir

NOT a whodunnit, procedural, artificial puzzle, hardboiled, explicit

Please offer some crime books that have or or more of the following. I am really struggling.

urban neighbourhood noir (corruption, decay but not bleak or cruel or explicit)

character driven crimes arising from their traumas, resentments, entitlements

web of crimes to untangle to resolve the main one

amateur investigator who may be reluctant 

strongly voiced narrator with an odd point of view

Something like a softboiled noir

NOT a whodunnit, procedural, artificial puzzle, hardboiled, explicit

The previous query mis categorized this as mystery and its sequence went from damaged hero, to murder, to corruption, to investigation.

This query categorizes the book as crime, and now starts with the murder, then corruption, then the hero being the only one who can solve the mystery despite his brokenness. This is to emphasize the book as a crime novel, with a noir environment, where only an ill-equipped person is available to deal with it... resulting in dark humour, not the broad jokey kind.

QUERY

When a café owner is gassed to death with his coffee roaster in a gentrifying neighbourhood, it's brushed off as an accident. The investigating detective is more interested in scoping the real estate than solving the murder. The barista is planning her next live stream, and the business partner is desperate for an insurance payout to fend off loan sharks. The only person to step up is Lynx, a penniless exile who conned his way into his café job and needs to salve a guilty past. While pushing aside the voices of his dead and disparaging parents, he keeps the café limping along while DIYing a murder investigation that keeps getting bigger.

he starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong, he unearths deep grudges and a network of dirty cops and fraudsters willing to unleash beatings or bullets to protect their parasitic lives. Lynx can accept the utter ruin his voices predict, or respond to the threats by exposing the killers and the corruption protecting them.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word crime novel grounded in diverse Old Trawna, where "*Sorry!*" comes with a shove. This book will appeal to fans of *The Maid* by Nita Prose and *Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone* by Benjamin Stevenson, because of the strongly-voiced amateur who wrestles with unhelpful cops, and blunders through an investigation distracted by his past*.*

My story "X" was published in *The X Supplement*. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Desperate to end a year of exile, "Lynx" Auger responds to a misdirected job offer by flying home and stealing the job. He doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. Or the investigating detective more interested in getting his hands on the café than solving a murder.

A sane person would run, but a penniless Lynx has to defy the nagging of his dead parents, whose voices always expect him to fail. Reopening the café is his only way forward—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down. 

Lynx reluctantly shifts from croissants to crime-solving. But as he starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong, he unearths deep grudges and a network of dirty cops and fraudsters willing to unleash beatings or bullets to protect their parasitic lives. Lynx can accept the utter ruin his voices predict, or respond to the threats by exposing the killers and the corruption protecting them.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word mystery grounded in diverse Old Trawna, where "*Sorry!*" comes with a shove. This book will appeal to fans of *The Maid* by Nita Prose and *Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone* by Benjamin Stevenson, because of the distinctively-voiced amateur who wrestles with unhelpful cops, and blunders through an investigation distracted by his past*.*

My story "X" was published in *The X Literary Supplement*. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my gentrifying patch of city life, I've cranked up the TV to drown out gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

WANTED: Mystery readers who read mysteries regularly. I need mystery input :)

STATUS: This book is complete and has been through ten drafts.

BLURB: Desperate to end a year of exile, "Lynx" Auger responds to a misdirected job offr by flying home and stealing the job. He doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a sabotaged coffee roaster. Or the investigating detective more interested in getting his hands on the café than solving a murder. 

A sane person would run, but a penniless Lynx has to defy the nagging of his dead parents, whose voices always expect him to fail. Reopening the café is his only way forward—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down.

Lynx reluctantly shifts from croissants to crime-solving. But as he starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong, he unearths deep grudges and a network of dirty cops and fraudsters willing to unleash beatings or bullets to protect their parasitic lives. Lynx can accept the utter ruin his voices predict, or respond to the threats by exposing the killers and the corruption protecting them.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word mystery grounded in diverse Old Trawna, where "Sorry!" comes with a shove. This book will appeal to fans of The Maid by Nita Prose and Everyone in My Family has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson, because of the distinctively-voiced amateur who wrestles with unhelpful cops, and blunders through an investigation distracted by his past.

FEEDBACK WANTED:

• Where did your interest rise or fall?
• Where did you experience confusion?
• Where did genre expectations work or clash?
• What books/authors does this feel like?

Just noting as you go along will be helpful.

CRITIQUE SWAP:

Only open to mysteries that are (a) complete; and (b) you've read every word of your own work and edited it at least once. I think that's fair. I've read my book over a dozen times.

BAILING OUT:

If you want to quit at any time, that's ok but just let me know. Ghosting is not ok.

CONTACTING ME:

Please DM as per the suggested process of this sub. Feel free to tell me about the mysteries you've been reading.

offr spelling was added to bypass reddit filter against commercial posts

Thanks to those who critiqued version 1. Very helpful. Here is attempt #2.

Desperate to end a year of exile, "Lynx" Auger responds to a misdirected job offer by flying home and showing up for the job. He doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a coffee roaster. Or the investigating detective more interested in getting his hands on the café than solving a murder. 

A sane person would run, but a penniless Lynx has to defy the nagging of his dead parents, whose voices always expect him to fail. Reopening the café is his only way forward—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down. 

Lynx reluctantly shifts from croissants to crimesolving. But as he starts asking questions, then breaking into places he doesn't belong, he unearths deep grudges and a network of dirty cops and fraudsters willing to unleash a beating, or a bullet, to stop his meddling. Lynx can accept the utter ruin his voices predict, or respond to the threats by exposing the killers and the corruption protecting them.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word mystery grounded in a diverse old Trawna, where "Sorry!" comes with a sharp elbow. This book will appeal to fans of The Maid by Nita Prose and Everybody in My Family is a Killer by Benjamin Stevenson, because of the distinctively-voiced amateur who wrestles with unhelpful cops, and blunders through an investigation distracted by family history.

My story "X" was published in *The X Supplement*. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my patch of X, I've cranked up the TV to drown out cracks of gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant. 

Thank you for your time and consideration.

This query has been form rejected 30x since January. On reflection, probably too many details and yet somehow not capturing the dynamic of the work and its cast of characters and dark humour. Posting here to help my brain reset on this. I think I am lost in the trees and not pitching the forest.

* * *

"Lynx" Auger needs a new life. But when he responds to a misdirected job offer by showing up in place of the owner's niece, he doesn't expect to find the boss gassed to death with a coffee roaster. Or a police officer more interested in appraising the café building than investigating the crime. Anyone else would run, but Lynx is tired of the pesky voices that nag about getting his hopes up, and he needs to save something to make up for that drowned wife in his past. So, he reopens the café to viral success—until a drive-by shooting shuts him down. To hold onto the café long enough to become someone new, he starts asking questions and breaking into places he doesn't belong. As he discovers old grudges, and unravels a massive insurance and extortion scam, he triggers threats from a crooked cop, and a frame job that casts him as a multiple murderer, starting with his wife. Lynx can succumb to utter ruin. Or he can keep digging and put himself—and some flaky new friends using him for their own plans—in mortal danger.

DEATH IN THE SECOND CRACK is an 89,000-word mystery. The diverse characters and web of crimes reflect old Trawna, where "Sorry!" comes with a sharp elbow. This book will appeal to fans of The Maid by Nita Prose and Everybody in My Family is a Killer by Benjamin Stevenson, because of the strongly-voiced, under-employed amateur who gets tangled in murder and corruption, wrestles with unhelpful cops, and blunders through an investigation distracted by family history.

My story "X" was published in The X Supplement. I've roasted coffee, folded pastry and practiced corporate law. In my patch of X, I've cranked up the TV to drown out cracks of gunfire, then skirted the crime scene to fetch a disappointing croissant.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I have submitted to multiple agents.