u/Emotional-Grade7287

When I'm just trying to explain myself, or even have a conversation my wife, who is truly a narc, text book so, often times accuses me of being the narc. Could this be true? I have heard that if I am even asking myself if I am, that I am not. Allegedly a real narcissist would never ask themselves that question. Is that true? Is this just more Gaslighting? One time she even followed up with all "addicts are narcissists". At one point I did have a problem with over indulgence in substances, but have long ago put that aside. This is really making think on this and is kind of scary to think about.

I read these points on how you know you are with a Narc in another post but relate to them exactly. I do all these things. Just didn't put the puzzle together that it was abuse until recently. I know it is damaging our 10yo son too. Here are the points:

You rehearse conversations in your head before speaking, trying to predict what might set them off.

You monitor your tone, your facial expressions—even your breathing.

You delete messages, call logs, or history… not because you’re hiding anything, but because you’re trying to avoid accusations.

You apologize automatically, even when you don’t understand what you did wrong.

You feel relief when they’re not home.

You start shrinking yourself—laugh less, share less, dream less.

You stop reaching out to friends because it’s “not worth the argument.”

You doubt your own memory and start writing things down just to remind yourself you’re not crazy.

You feel anxious every time your phone buzzes.

You measure your entire day by their mood.

And somewhere along the way, you realize…

you’re not living—you’re managing someone else’s emotions.

Atop of all this I have to deal with the their entitlement and contributing anything, I do everything; taking care or the house, finances, our son, meals, cleaning, schools stuff and working a pressure job full time - the list goes on.

I'm exhausted. Are there any support groups out there? Even a place I can just dump all this out to someone.

Any help is appreciated - thanks

Hi everyone, 

i'm almost 50, been married 14+ years to a woman with strong narcissistic traits. She's emotionally abusive, constantly gaslights me, has zero empathy, and uses my weaknesses against me whenever she doesn't get her way.

Financially she's been living off me this whole time while spending recklessly. We have a 10 year old son.

i drank heavily for years to cope with it, but now i've stopped drinking and i'm finally seeing the situation clearly.

I work from home and i'm trying to figure out how to safely leave (or preferably have her leave) while keeping the house. Any advice would really help.