i (17 F) have a crush on a girl (18 F) but so does my bsf (17 F) and shes braver than me. how do i stop being sad about this?
This is a throwaway account just in case lol bc i genuinely cant talk about this to anybody and its consuming me.
ive had a crush on a girl (im going to refer to her as Amy) in the grade above me for maybe a year now. It was really just me admiring her from afar for the longest time but we ended up having a few mutual friends and started hanging out in similar scenes. Im not sure if i was delusional or not but i would catch her looking at me for a longer than usual sometimes and her friend would occasionally say something while looking at me and nudging Amy. She started complimenting a lot of my outfits and i learned we actually have a lot in common, like interests and opinions. That probably made me even more delusional lol. This was all happening and I of course told my best friend, who I'll call Riley, and she was supportive and made fun of me as best friends do. I never made a move on Amy, I was way too scared as ive never been in a relationship before and Amy was kind of fresh out of a toxic relationship and I didnt want to stress her out with my feelings when she was going through so much.
Flash forward a few weeks of my pathetic pining and it was the end of the soccer season and Riley got hurt and had to sit out. She was sitting on the bleachers with Amys best friend who had apparently mentioned that Amy was feeling really lonely and wanted some kind of romance soon. I think she asked Riley her thoughts on it and Riley told her that she thought Amy was hot and deserved the best. Amys friend asked if she could set Amy up with Riley, and Riley was all for it. I was on the field while this was all happening but i heard about it from both people later. Riley sent a screenshot of a notification of a snap from Amy to me and said "holy shit i think im in". I think i just sent a couple question marks and Riley then called me and told me the whole situation. I thought she mustve forgotten about my crush on Amy because she never mentioned it so i just told her i was really happy for her and hoped it worked out. But then the next morning i have class with Amys best friend and shes of course telling me all about it. She said she was relieved i was so supportive because apparently Riley had mentioned the night before that i "was going to be mad". I almost burst into tears again right there but just said of course not and locked in on chemistry like never before.
Its been like 2 weeks since all of that and Riley and Amy have been snapping back and forth and have hung out a couple times. Rileys been keeping me updated, and i really am happy for her. Shes also been in kind if a funk since her last relationship and needed someone better.
We all went to a party last night, and it was fun, we all hung out and talked, Amy and I talked about the fireflies flying around and she said she loved being able to talk to another bug person, and im so stupid!! I dont know im so happy they are finding solace in each other but it really hurt when i saw them making out last night. And then i felt like a horrible friend when Riley was talking about it later so excitedly.
I just really need advice on how i can get over this, i know i should talk to Riley about it to get it off my chest but she literally went through this same thing. She had a crush on a boy but our other friend starting dating him. I don't want her to feel bad about it because shes been so happy recently. I just need to know how i can distract myself or at least dim the feelings a bit so i dont become an obstacle in their budding relationship and i especially dont want to lose Riley because she has been my closest friend for years and I love her dearly.
Also i want to apologize in if this has a ton of run-on sentences and doesn't make much sense. It's 2:30 am as I write this lol.