Open discussion
I was diagnosed with HIV about two months ago. Based on my labs and timeline, I think I had been living with it for around five months before I found out. My initial viral load was only about 2,000 copies/mL, and my CD4 count was almost 800. I started Biktarvy about a week after my diagnosis and on my 30 day follow up appointment my results said <20 not detected and my cd4 was 990.
Physically, I’m doing well and I’m grateful for how effective treatment has been. Mentally, though, I’m struggling with the idea of disclosure. Part of me wants to keep my status private as long as I’m taking my medication, staying undetectable, and making sure no one is ever put at risk.
What I’ve been wrestling with is that it almost feels like I’ve been pushed back into the closet. Before this, I never felt like I had to explain or disclose something so personal to potential partners. Now it feels like there’s another layer of myself that I’m expected to reveal, and that’s been hard to process.
Has anyone else felt this way? How did you come to terms with disclosure, and did it get easier over time?