Embarrassed by my safe foods
I’m usually very much a person who hides at home but I have started going out a bit and I’m finding it really
Difficult in situations where not only am I around new people but also just kinda not being the norm. I have very specific foods I won’t touch or cross contaminate with and eating out is a nightmare.
I had one lady talk about how terribly unhealthy one of my safe foods was ( it was just a general conversation )and a lot of people talking about preservatives etc. This is the first time in over 15 years that I am actively socialising and it feels awful to be over 40 and sitting with other people and basically all I actually feel safe with is the foods their kids might eat, but even kids eat better than I do and I can’t really articulate how this feels. I hate that McDonald’s for example
Is one sort of safe place I can get a proper sort of meal from, but can’t do the exact same kind of meal from a healthier place..purely because of cross contamination because I know the whole menu but in a place that offers more than that, I don’t know what’s touching what and also needing to try the different taste. I don’t enjoy food tbh and it’s like eating cardboard no matter the ‘flavour’ so I never want to go to an expensive place or foodie places where people my age go.
I also feel embarrassed if we are at someone’s house because I am so so so careful ( most foods I eat are packaged and ready made- I have serious issues with homemade foods) and I feel a bit rude. I do politely decline and I really do try to fit in and I have a small plate of something sort of ok but sometimes I wanna take my own packaged food- but I’m also sitting with super health conscious people who do love their food,but my every day options are their once in an absolute while.
It’s just really bugged me out. I had a person go on about a brand of chips/crisps that I eat and now when I eat it or I stood to go buy it, I felt so bad that it didn’t even feel ok or safe anymore.
I have a very very understanding friend in my life and I know she will totally get it but it’s really easy for people to forget, I can’t wear a sign saying please don’t ever bring this near me and I don’t want to make things awkward either- I am so self conscious.
I’m just feeling very tired of this, at this age and it’s making me feel hopeless. I’m trying to push through but at the same time I’m kinda scared I’m going to fall over the edge and end up back in hiding.