Abusive brother divides family
I (F27) moved away from my family at 21. There are many reasons I left, and the trauma tied to my family is a big one.
There are seven children in the family, and we are all adult aged now. My older brother (M31) was arrested five years ago for sexual assault. Out of respect for the victim who reported and other woman hurt by him, I will avoid details of his crimes; however, I will say that most of my family was not surprised and immediately believed the victim’s story to be true.
When all of this occurred, I knew it would be the beginning of a massive divide in my family. With our brother in jail, it was easy to act like he just didn’t exist within the context of our family, and it was the most peaceful 5 years my family has experienced. I even began feeling closer to the sister who was my childhood bully.
We all knew that our mother spoke with him, but the siblings had cut him off for the most part. Now he has been out of jail for a while, but he is living a few hours from the rest of the family, so he was still not around from my understanding. (Keep in mind I am 2,000 miles away)
Two days ago, I noticed a Facebook post from a distant relative that had my brother and his new girlfriend tagged. (I hope this new woman protects herself, because he is violent and dangerous.) I shared it with the two sisters who, like me, have completely disowned our brother. Well one of the sisters dug deeper and found that our mother and the two sisters I did not send the post to were friends with his new girlfriend on Facebook. They have been lying to our faces, telling us that they haven’t spoken to him at all. Come to find out, one of them even saw our brother in person. We feel betrayed, and my supportive sisters are concerned that the other brother-loving sisters will attempt to bring the brother around, and they have children to protect as well.
Now I have a trip planned to go back and visit family soon, but I am so uncomfortable at the thought of being thrown back into the family drama while being physically present. I only function because I am able to keep family issues at arms length. It has taken me six years to work through trauma and find appropriate diagnosis through therapy, and I fear that so much of my work can be undone by the chaos of my family.